May 15th, 2005
Happy 21st Birthday, Laurel. Have some liquor. You know what, have a whole fucking bar. In fact, because we like you so very much, you can have the house it's in, too.
Hal showed me his will today. He wants to leave me everything. His house, his car, his money.
The last of which, he's apparently got plenty. He claims he won't be saddling me with any medical debt and I'll never have to work ever again.
I told him I don't want it, any of it. I just want him to stick around. See me graduate. Hassle my boyfriends. Give me away at my wedding. Hop my kids up on sugar just before he gives them back to me.
Smartass just started singing the Rolling Stones to me.
I've begun publishing unfinished entries as a way of allowing readers to preview the entries which are yet to come. Also, the dates don't mean anything as far as actual in-game chronology goes.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Friday, April 15, 2005
A Bold Move
April 15th, 2005
Hal asked me to hang around more often.
I think he realizes things are bad. I've offered to be around more by hanging around in the guest room.
Damn, that's obtuse. Hal asked me if I could move into the guest room so that I can be around more. He has no family. He never married, says all his bastard children are scattered to the four winds. And he is having trouble standing long enough to cook himself an omelet. I'm not a fantastic cook, but I doubt his taste buds will be able to tell the difference at this point.
I'm not a doctor yet, so he's not my patient and that (along with his treating me like a daughter) should keep me out of trouble as far as "the rules" go.
Hal asked me to hang around more often.
I think he realizes things are bad. I've offered to be around more by hanging around in the guest room.
Damn, that's obtuse. Hal asked me if I could move into the guest room so that I can be around more. He has no family. He never married, says all his bastard children are scattered to the four winds. And he is having trouble standing long enough to cook himself an omelet. I'm not a fantastic cook, but I doubt his taste buds will be able to tell the difference at this point.
I'm not a doctor yet, so he's not my patient and that (along with his treating me like a daughter) should keep me out of trouble as far as "the rules" go.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Clarity, and Priorities
March 11th, 2005
I went to the barbecue today. That man can cook, all that beef tasted absolutely heavenly. I took the whole day off and just hung out with Hal.
He doesn't look too good.
I think he's decided not to get treatment this time.
It's hard to handle. Hard to think about, even. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him. Not yet. Maybe not ever, really.
He's the only source of gratification I've got. He tells me he's proud of me, and I need that.
From the looks of him, he's got a handful of months.
I'm going to ease up on work a little.
I went to the barbecue today. That man can cook, all that beef tasted absolutely heavenly. I took the whole day off and just hung out with Hal.
He doesn't look too good.
I think he's decided not to get treatment this time.
It's hard to handle. Hard to think about, even. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him. Not yet. Maybe not ever, really.
He's the only source of gratification I've got. He tells me he's proud of me, and I need that.
From the looks of him, he's got a handful of months.
I'm going to ease up on work a little.
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
A Break
March 9th, 2005
Spring Break! I've already spent half of it working, of course. I'm hoping to land an internship later this year, though, and like most internships it will pay the kingly sum of nothing. Thus, I have to scrimp and save to make what I earn this summer last through the year.
Hal's asked me to make some time for a barbecue this weekend. I haven't seen him in a month and a half. He says big, great things are on the horizon for me, and it's time to celebrate.
Spring Break! I've already spent half of it working, of course. I'm hoping to land an internship later this year, though, and like most internships it will pay the kingly sum of nothing. Thus, I have to scrimp and save to make what I earn this summer last through the year.
Hal's asked me to make some time for a barbecue this weekend. I haven't seen him in a month and a half. He says big, great things are on the horizon for me, and it's time to celebrate.
Saturday, January 8, 2005
Accomplishment
January 8th, 2005
I did it. I'm officially a medical student.
I go see Hal when I can, he's kinda the only friend I've got. It's getting more difficult now, especially since he's out of the hospital.
For now.
I don't know why I'm so damn attached to him. Maybe I just picked him to be a stand-in for my dead dad. He's pretty good at it, telling me all the time to get my ass in gear and not to sweat the little shit.
I also discovered that Dr. O'Malley, the one who sat in on my admissions interview, will be teaching my medical Anatomy class. He says I remind him of his daughter.
I did it. I'm officially a medical student.
I go see Hal when I can, he's kinda the only friend I've got. It's getting more difficult now, especially since he's out of the hospital.
For now.
I don't know why I'm so damn attached to him. Maybe I just picked him to be a stand-in for my dead dad. He's pretty good at it, telling me all the time to get my ass in gear and not to sweat the little shit.
I also discovered that Dr. O'Malley, the one who sat in on my admissions interview, will be teaching my medical Anatomy class. He says I remind him of his daughter.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
He Needs a Revolving Door
August 19th, 2004
Hal has decided to move closer to the hospital. He's in and out so often that it isn't always convenient for him to go all the way back to L.A.
In other news, the regular semester is about to start back up. Summer was brutal but I'm keeping the streak alive.
Hal has decided to move closer to the hospital. He's in and out so often that it isn't always convenient for him to go all the way back to L.A.
In other news, the regular semester is about to start back up. Summer was brutal but I'm keeping the streak alive.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Auspice
May 15th, 2004
Happy Birthday to me~!
Twenty years ago on this, the most auspicious of days, the world was blessed with me.
At least, I hope that's how the world sees it, when all is said and done.
Happy Birthday to me~!
Twenty years ago on this, the most auspicious of days, the world was blessed with me.
At least, I hope that's how the world sees it, when all is said and done.
Friday, April 2, 2004
Don't Look Back in Anger
April 2nd, 2004
I elected not to burn the journal, obviously.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Hal talked me out of it.
"Keep it around, peach. It'll show you where you've been so you can remember where you're going."
So I guess to keep moving forward, I have to occasionally look back.
I elected not to burn the journal, obviously.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Hal talked me out of it.
"Keep it around, peach. It'll show you where you've been so you can remember where you're going."
So I guess to keep moving forward, I have to occasionally look back.
Wednesday, March 3, 2004
I Got Better.
March 3rd, 2004
I've told Dr. Thrace that I think I'll be alright without any more sessions. She seems reticent to agree with me. She doesn't think a year is enough time for me to "effectively process and resolve the trauma" I've experienced.
"Maybe it isn't," I admitted to her. "Maybe I'll never be completely alright, maybe I will never completely resolve it. Maybe, like my side, I'll always have some mass of scar-tissue memories in my head, spider-webbing into all of my attempts to act like a normal and undamaged human being. But I'm functioning now. I'm keeping a job, making the Dean's List. I'm doing alright."
She frowned. "How's your social life, Laurel? Made any friends? Boyfriends? Lovers?"
I went on the defensive. "I don't have time for -"
"Friends," she finished my sentence. "No time for people. I really don't think you're as healthy as you pretend. What you witnessed has left you damaged, in more ways than you know. We haven't even addressed the impact this incident has had upon your sexual life."
"None," I said tersely. "Because I don't have one."
"Right," she nodded. "No time. Exactly how many men, or women if you prefer, have you even noticed in the last year?"
"Men. None."
"And that doesn't seem abnormal to you? You are, objectively speaking, a very attractive young woman, Laurel. I would have anticipated..."
"What, that I'm a slut?? That I'm pretty and so I try to fill the vacancy my parents left with the nearest penis? I'll let you in on a little secret that's really none of your goddamned business, doc. I went overseas a virgin, I came back a virgin. Nothing I've seen or heard has exactly made me eager to change that." I stood, becoming more furious with every word.
"And this," I gestured, palm down with splayed fingers, "this is getting old."
I haven't seen or intended to see her since I stormed out of her office, last month. I'm thinking of burning this whole thing.
I've told Dr. Thrace that I think I'll be alright without any more sessions. She seems reticent to agree with me. She doesn't think a year is enough time for me to "effectively process and resolve the trauma" I've experienced.
"Maybe it isn't," I admitted to her. "Maybe I'll never be completely alright, maybe I will never completely resolve it. Maybe, like my side, I'll always have some mass of scar-tissue memories in my head, spider-webbing into all of my attempts to act like a normal and undamaged human being. But I'm functioning now. I'm keeping a job, making the Dean's List. I'm doing alright."
She frowned. "How's your social life, Laurel? Made any friends? Boyfriends? Lovers?"
I went on the defensive. "I don't have time for -"
"Friends," she finished my sentence. "No time for people. I really don't think you're as healthy as you pretend. What you witnessed has left you damaged, in more ways than you know. We haven't even addressed the impact this incident has had upon your sexual life."
"None," I said tersely. "Because I don't have one."
"Right," she nodded. "No time. Exactly how many men, or women if you prefer, have you even noticed in the last year?"
"Men. None."
"And that doesn't seem abnormal to you? You are, objectively speaking, a very attractive young woman, Laurel. I would have anticipated..."
"What, that I'm a slut?? That I'm pretty and so I try to fill the vacancy my parents left with the nearest penis? I'll let you in on a little secret that's really none of your goddamned business, doc. I went overseas a virgin, I came back a virgin. Nothing I've seen or heard has exactly made me eager to change that." I stood, becoming more furious with every word.
"And this," I gestured, palm down with splayed fingers, "this is getting old."
I haven't seen or intended to see her since I stormed out of her office, last month. I'm thinking of burning this whole thing.
Friday, January 30, 2004
A Change of Scenery
January 30th, 2004
Amber's started bringing guys back to our room. I'm suddenly even more glad that Hal is in town, I'll have to see if he minds me bringing in my homework to do in his room.
Just like old times.
Amber's started bringing guys back to our room. I'm suddenly even more glad that Hal is in town, I'll have to see if he minds me bringing in my homework to do in his room.
Just like old times.
Friday, January 23, 2004
O Fortuna
January 23rd, 2004
Harold Della'Alba is stalking me. Not really, but kinda. He transferred to Alta Bates for some new, experimental and mostly theoretical treatment being performed in collaboration with UC Berkeley and UC San Francisco.
He hadn't called in a while, and I was starting to worry. I decided to call him. I was on break, standing next to the nurse's station and talking to Alma. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number.
"O Fortuna!" began playing in the room across the hallway. I hung up. I waited. The opera stopped.
I dialed again.
"Sors immanis, et inanis..." I hung up and poked my head into the room.
"Well, hey there peach. Long time, no see."
Harold Della'Alba is stalking me. Not really, but kinda. He transferred to Alta Bates for some new, experimental and mostly theoretical treatment being performed in collaboration with UC Berkeley and UC San Francisco.
He hadn't called in a while, and I was starting to worry. I decided to call him. I was on break, standing next to the nurse's station and talking to Alma. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number.
"O Fortuna!" began playing in the room across the hallway. I hung up. I waited. The opera stopped.
I dialed again.
"Sors immanis, et inanis..." I hung up and poked my head into the room.
"Well, hey there peach. Long time, no see."
Thursday, January 1, 2004
Bigger Blessings
January 1st, 2004
Happy New Year!
Here's my resolution: I'm going to try. Try to be better, stronger, faster. No one else I'm supposed to protect is going to end up like those kids in Kabul.
Happy New Year!
Here's my resolution: I'm going to try. Try to be better, stronger, faster. No one else I'm supposed to protect is going to end up like those kids in Kabul.
Friday, September 19, 2003
Small Blessings
September 19th, 2003
Sorry Dr. Thrace, I haven't had much time for this stuff. Classes aren't hard, but they keep me busy. Too busy to think too much, which I like.
And ABMC is working me pretty hard, too. 18 class hours a week and 30 work hours doesn't leave much time for me to play "Dear Diary."
On the bright side, my roommate Amber is usually crashing in the bed of some "total hottie," leaving the dorm room to me. It's quiet, most of the time.
Sorry Dr. Thrace, I haven't had much time for this stuff. Classes aren't hard, but they keep me busy. Too busy to think too much, which I like.
And ABMC is working me pretty hard, too. 18 class hours a week and 30 work hours doesn't leave much time for me to play "Dear Diary."
On the bright side, my roommate Amber is usually crashing in the bed of some "total hottie," leaving the dorm room to me. It's quiet, most of the time.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Moving On
August 22nd, 2003
It took eight trips and two going away parties, but I am finally settled in the dorm. Classes start tomorrow.
My roommate is going to drive me crazy, I can already tell. This conversation literally happened:
"I don't know why they bother grading me, I'm just here for the boys. And really, I'm too cute to do anything like hard work."
"I think they grade you because this is supposed to be an institution of higher education instead of a box social."
"Ew, who would socialize in a box?? Don't they like, smell like hobos?"
I cannot be held responsible for any actions committed during a temporary loss of sanity resulting from prolonged exposure to stupid.
It took eight trips and two going away parties, but I am finally settled in the dorm. Classes start tomorrow.
My roommate is going to drive me crazy, I can already tell. This conversation literally happened:
"I don't know why they bother grading me, I'm just here for the boys. And really, I'm too cute to do anything like hard work."
"I think they grade you because this is supposed to be an institution of higher education instead of a box social."
"Ew, who would socialize in a box?? Don't they like, smell like hobos?"
I cannot be held responsible for any actions committed during a temporary loss of sanity resulting from prolonged exposure to stupid.
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
The Times, They Are A-Changin'
August 5th, 2003
I'm getting transferred to Berkeley, next week. I thought about getting rid of the house, but... it doesn't feel right. I can keep it, keep just paying the property taxes on it. There's enough fundage in Mom's settlement to cover that for several years. That may be what it takes, but dammit I'm getting my medical degree. Then it's onward with the plan. I'm going to kick ass, be a hot Doogie Howser, have my whirlwind romance with the love of my life and have gorgeous and brilliant babies.
But the degree comes first. I'll have to live on campus, but the good news is the Alta Bates Medical Complex is just a hop skip and jump away from the dorms. Meaning, I can get there on foot. I can sell my piece of shit car, apply for scholarships and maybe not have to touch Mom's money. I feel like I should save it for something really important. What, like school? Well, yeah that's important. But I think I can do this without her money. I didn't do it her way so I don't completely feel like I deserve to use her money. Not yet.
Hal is getting released from the hospital tomorrow. "Until the tumors come back," he says. So I don't have to worry about him getting manhandled in the ward without me to look after him. I don't think he's got anyone at home, though. I feel kinda sad for him. I gave him my cell number, so he can call if he gets too lonely.
Deep breaths.
I can do this.
I'm getting transferred to Berkeley, next week. I thought about getting rid of the house, but... it doesn't feel right. I can keep it, keep just paying the property taxes on it. There's enough fundage in Mom's settlement to cover that for several years. That may be what it takes, but dammit I'm getting my medical degree. Then it's onward with the plan. I'm going to kick ass, be a hot Doogie Howser, have my whirlwind romance with the love of my life and have gorgeous and brilliant babies.
But the degree comes first. I'll have to live on campus, but the good news is the Alta Bates Medical Complex is just a hop skip and jump away from the dorms. Meaning, I can get there on foot. I can sell my piece of shit car, apply for scholarships and maybe not have to touch Mom's money. I feel like I should save it for something really important. What, like school? Well, yeah that's important. But I think I can do this without her money. I didn't do it her way so I don't completely feel like I deserve to use her money. Not yet.
Hal is getting released from the hospital tomorrow. "Until the tumors come back," he says. So I don't have to worry about him getting manhandled in the ward without me to look after him. I don't think he's got anyone at home, though. I feel kinda sad for him. I gave him my cell number, so he can call if he gets too lonely.
Deep breaths.
I can do this.
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