August 19th, 2004
Hal has decided to move closer to the hospital. He's in and out so often that it isn't always convenient for him to go all the way back to L.A.
In other news, the regular semester is about to start back up. Summer was brutal but I'm keeping the streak alive.
I've begun publishing unfinished entries as a way of allowing readers to preview the entries which are yet to come. Also, the dates don't mean anything as far as actual in-game chronology goes.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Auspice
May 15th, 2004
Happy Birthday to me~!
Twenty years ago on this, the most auspicious of days, the world was blessed with me.
At least, I hope that's how the world sees it, when all is said and done.
Happy Birthday to me~!
Twenty years ago on this, the most auspicious of days, the world was blessed with me.
At least, I hope that's how the world sees it, when all is said and done.
Friday, April 2, 2004
Don't Look Back in Anger
April 2nd, 2004
I elected not to burn the journal, obviously.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Hal talked me out of it.
"Keep it around, peach. It'll show you where you've been so you can remember where you're going."
So I guess to keep moving forward, I have to occasionally look back.
I elected not to burn the journal, obviously.
Well, that's not entirely true.
Hal talked me out of it.
"Keep it around, peach. It'll show you where you've been so you can remember where you're going."
So I guess to keep moving forward, I have to occasionally look back.
Wednesday, March 3, 2004
I Got Better.
March 3rd, 2004
I've told Dr. Thrace that I think I'll be alright without any more sessions. She seems reticent to agree with me. She doesn't think a year is enough time for me to "effectively process and resolve the trauma" I've experienced.
"Maybe it isn't," I admitted to her. "Maybe I'll never be completely alright, maybe I will never completely resolve it. Maybe, like my side, I'll always have some mass of scar-tissue memories in my head, spider-webbing into all of my attempts to act like a normal and undamaged human being. But I'm functioning now. I'm keeping a job, making the Dean's List. I'm doing alright."
She frowned. "How's your social life, Laurel? Made any friends? Boyfriends? Lovers?"
I went on the defensive. "I don't have time for -"
"Friends," she finished my sentence. "No time for people. I really don't think you're as healthy as you pretend. What you witnessed has left you damaged, in more ways than you know. We haven't even addressed the impact this incident has had upon your sexual life."
"None," I said tersely. "Because I don't have one."
"Right," she nodded. "No time. Exactly how many men, or women if you prefer, have you even noticed in the last year?"
"Men. None."
"And that doesn't seem abnormal to you? You are, objectively speaking, a very attractive young woman, Laurel. I would have anticipated..."
"What, that I'm a slut?? That I'm pretty and so I try to fill the vacancy my parents left with the nearest penis? I'll let you in on a little secret that's really none of your goddamned business, doc. I went overseas a virgin, I came back a virgin. Nothing I've seen or heard has exactly made me eager to change that." I stood, becoming more furious with every word.
"And this," I gestured, palm down with splayed fingers, "this is getting old."
I haven't seen or intended to see her since I stormed out of her office, last month. I'm thinking of burning this whole thing.
I've told Dr. Thrace that I think I'll be alright without any more sessions. She seems reticent to agree with me. She doesn't think a year is enough time for me to "effectively process and resolve the trauma" I've experienced.
"Maybe it isn't," I admitted to her. "Maybe I'll never be completely alright, maybe I will never completely resolve it. Maybe, like my side, I'll always have some mass of scar-tissue memories in my head, spider-webbing into all of my attempts to act like a normal and undamaged human being. But I'm functioning now. I'm keeping a job, making the Dean's List. I'm doing alright."
She frowned. "How's your social life, Laurel? Made any friends? Boyfriends? Lovers?"
I went on the defensive. "I don't have time for -"
"Friends," she finished my sentence. "No time for people. I really don't think you're as healthy as you pretend. What you witnessed has left you damaged, in more ways than you know. We haven't even addressed the impact this incident has had upon your sexual life."
"None," I said tersely. "Because I don't have one."
"Right," she nodded. "No time. Exactly how many men, or women if you prefer, have you even noticed in the last year?"
"Men. None."
"And that doesn't seem abnormal to you? You are, objectively speaking, a very attractive young woman, Laurel. I would have anticipated..."
"What, that I'm a slut?? That I'm pretty and so I try to fill the vacancy my parents left with the nearest penis? I'll let you in on a little secret that's really none of your goddamned business, doc. I went overseas a virgin, I came back a virgin. Nothing I've seen or heard has exactly made me eager to change that." I stood, becoming more furious with every word.
"And this," I gestured, palm down with splayed fingers, "this is getting old."
I haven't seen or intended to see her since I stormed out of her office, last month. I'm thinking of burning this whole thing.
Friday, January 30, 2004
A Change of Scenery
January 30th, 2004
Amber's started bringing guys back to our room. I'm suddenly even more glad that Hal is in town, I'll have to see if he minds me bringing in my homework to do in his room.
Just like old times.
Amber's started bringing guys back to our room. I'm suddenly even more glad that Hal is in town, I'll have to see if he minds me bringing in my homework to do in his room.
Just like old times.
Friday, January 23, 2004
O Fortuna
January 23rd, 2004
Harold Della'Alba is stalking me. Not really, but kinda. He transferred to Alta Bates for some new, experimental and mostly theoretical treatment being performed in collaboration with UC Berkeley and UC San Francisco.
He hadn't called in a while, and I was starting to worry. I decided to call him. I was on break, standing next to the nurse's station and talking to Alma. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number.
"O Fortuna!" began playing in the room across the hallway. I hung up. I waited. The opera stopped.
I dialed again.
"Sors immanis, et inanis..." I hung up and poked my head into the room.
"Well, hey there peach. Long time, no see."
Harold Della'Alba is stalking me. Not really, but kinda. He transferred to Alta Bates for some new, experimental and mostly theoretical treatment being performed in collaboration with UC Berkeley and UC San Francisco.
He hadn't called in a while, and I was starting to worry. I decided to call him. I was on break, standing next to the nurse's station and talking to Alma. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number.
"O Fortuna!" began playing in the room across the hallway. I hung up. I waited. The opera stopped.
I dialed again.
"Sors immanis, et inanis..." I hung up and poked my head into the room.
"Well, hey there peach. Long time, no see."
Thursday, January 1, 2004
Bigger Blessings
January 1st, 2004
Happy New Year!
Here's my resolution: I'm going to try. Try to be better, stronger, faster. No one else I'm supposed to protect is going to end up like those kids in Kabul.
Happy New Year!
Here's my resolution: I'm going to try. Try to be better, stronger, faster. No one else I'm supposed to protect is going to end up like those kids in Kabul.
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