Ironic

Dear Diary:
Today, I pissed off Aphrodite.
I'm sure that's never going to come back to haunt me.

Well, I guess the story could bear a little more telling than that.
Three days ago Dad showed up and started our heart to heart with, "We have a problem." Words every bride-to-be from her father at T-minus four days. They just get better when they're coming from a god.

The problem was that there were going to be more guests than I'd anticipated, but he wouldn't tell me who. And the problem was that Hera wanted to perform the ceremony, being the goddess of marriage and having her uh... granddaughter as the bride. It would mean that the ceremony wouldn't be Catholic like Gunnar wanted for his mom, but Hercules and Dad were both really, really relieved when I said "Whatever."
And the final problem was that I needed to do those bullshit rites before I could go get married. I've been under house arrest, which has been irritating at best. Two days ago I set fire to a pretty big piece of my heart. Yesterday I cut off and burned most of my hair. I don't know what the point of that was, still, other than costing me money for cancelling my hair appointment with such short notice and making my backyard smell and the neighbors think I'm crazy.
And today I pissed off Aphrodite.
How would an innocent, unassuming and sweet creature like myself accomplish such a thing?

By not being a virgin.

"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face...
And isn't it ironic, don't you think?
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think..."
Alanis Morissette, Ironic