"The ocean pulls me close and whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose, all becoming clear
The currents have their say, the time is drawing near
Washes me away, makes me disappear
And I descend from grace in arms of undertow..."
Nine Inch Nails, The Great Below
So, I guess I should explain the reason Camila said I owed her. Gunnar and I had just come back from being out and there was some stuff sitting on the dining room table. Dorthen said he didn't know what it was about. Not sure whether I should be worried there, I mean, Camila is pretty sneaky.
Anyway, she left that note, and a container thing and another letter that was sealed and all official looking. Gunnar went to break the seal, and I told him not to at first. I'm probably a hell of a lot more paranoid than I need to be. I think I was just worried we'd have problems delivering that letter if it needed to be sealed. I mean, I'm glad he did open it though, because Hades is a dick. I just didn't realize how much of a dick until we were already on Agwe's ship but I'll get to that.
So yeah. We headed for New Orleans not too long after that, and I told Nate I'd be sending Nevermore with him off to Germany. Nate's going to Germany because Brendan and Ciara are in Germany. Brendan and Ciara are in Germany because Ciara's mom, The Morrigan, asked them to go check on why prayers she used to hear have just stopped all of a sudden. Ciara said something about goblins, which are not blue skinned so I'm still not sure what was up with those blue things I'd seen in my own vision. She was told to take silver. So goblins and werewolves in Germany. I figured Ciara would be able to keep O'Shea alive well enough from the way the kids said she was able to fight.
Maybe I was wrong, since now Ogma and The Morrigan have asked the rest of us to go check on their kids and that's why it's unfortunate that the rest of us is currently Nate and Nevermore. Camila's gone, Jack's gone and that leaves Gunnar, Nate and I. Gunnar and I are going to Guinnee and I might even take the bird with me if he were more waterproof but he's not.
Never knows about the boys and I've already told myself that I'll be really fucking surprised if he goes more than an hour without telling Nate. It's hard to keep anything from him since he's so nosy. Before we headed off to New Orleans I was working on acquiring some of the equipment I'm going to need for the lab but since the lab doesn't technically exist I just set up the ultrasound machine in one of the bedrooms that's currently unused. For the record, doors don't stop that bird.
When I sent him off to Nate I'd told him to keep his beak shut, and I made it clear I wasn't just talking about for the plane ride up to meet Nate. "Seriously, Nevermore. Be careful and be quiet." I emphasized the last word.
"Oi, sure." He grinned. Birds can grin. At least this one does. "Uh, Mum's the word?" Yeah. I saw what he did there and no I didn't really think it was funny.
"I swear to the gods, Never, I will slap you so hard your feathers fly off without you." Then we shipped him off and headed for the cemetery.
Luc couldn't really tell me what to expect. He was only able to give me the details on how to get to Guinnee, and even that info was a little sparse on the particulars. There was a cost, he said, to pass through from this realm to the other. I guess that was what that shimmering feeling was. Sorta like when I make Gunnar all Die Hard, but stronger. And I had to find someone who was one of the Baron's ghedes and use their tombstone to open the portal unless I wanted to wait until November and of course that wasn't going to happen. As luck or fate would have it, I'd just attended the funeral of one such ghede a couple of months ago. Other than that I needed red chalk, to draw three X's on the tombstone and I needed to hold hands with anyone going with me.
So I wetsuited up and strapped my gear as much to me as I could. At least I don't think I'm going to have trouble getting at my axe through the wetsuit, that will be one less thing to carry. We headed to Brigitte's grave, I grabbed Gunnar's hand, made the mark I was supposed to, stepped onto the plot and landed in saltwater. That was a little unexpected.
Also unexpected was the big ship turning and heading towards us. At first I thought it was a bad thing, some sort of danger, but it turns out when Luc said "Agwe will take you to Guinnee" he meant "Agwe has a physical form and uses it to captain a real ship and that is how you are going to get to Guinnee."
A ladder dropped down before us. Gunnar went up first. I hopped up behind him and onto the deck of the ship. Agwe himself greeted us, remarking after our introductions that it was rare he had such guests. We didn't even have to give him any pennies or anything. So far, I'm liking the Loa.
Oh, and then this was when Gunnar was able to see what else Camila had left us, and I learned how much of a dick Hades is. See, the container thing held a set of collared manacle type things. It had two people, or the ghosts of what used to be two people, chained to each end. One ghost was Victor Fingers, the guy who kidnapped Gunnar's mom, and I got pissed as soon as I saw him and started telling his ghost off. I forgot at first about the bit in all of the legends of the Greek underworld where the shades of the dead drink from the river Lethe and lose all of their memories. So Victor didn't know why I was yelling at him and telling him he was the biggest fucking douchebag who ever walked the planet and that if he wasn't already dead I'd be collecting an asshole tax in the currency of his kneecaps. After a minute or two, he didn't even know that I had yelled at him at all. I felt a little better, though.
The other ghost was a woman. She was a little taller than me, had short, light brown hair and unremarkable brown eyes. She seemed like she might be nice, if she could remember you'd been talking to her for more than a minute. Gunnar told me when he could finally see her that that was Sara O'Malley. Sara was the woman he'd seen die just outside of Vegas. Kane killed her but not himself, I mean he let the shinobi do it. I know that look on Gunnar's face by now and figured we'd talk about it when we had time. For now, Agwe bade us go below deck with the other spirits and make ourselves comfortable. There was food there, and I ate with everyone else after obnoxiously asking Agwe a couple of times if the food was safe. Gunnar was still Gunnar, for now. He wasn't going to use the Nommo eye until he had to and I don't blame him. That thing looks really gross, kinda like a giant loogie.
Anyway, we talked some before the ship dove, about how in our underworld there won't be any forgetting. At least that's how Gunnar said he wanted it, and I can't really disagree. I can understand how the Greeks could think that forgetting could be a good thing, but I'm a bit more convinced that death should not equal oblivion. Ignorance is not necessarily bliss, and I'm much more inclined to say that death should be a refuge for the kind and a punishment for the wicked. The only problem with that is that we'll need someone who can help us tell the difference, if we can't do it ourselves. Eternity's looking like kind of a messy thing, something we'll have to handle carefully.
That was as far as we got before klaxons started sounding. Yeah, semi-modern tech on a ship that pretty much looked like Jack Sparrow should be up at the helm. Whatever, I'm just gonna go with it. In the words of Indiana Jones, "I'm a scientist. Nothing shocks me."
The ship tilted, started to flood and sped up. The other spirits looked a little unnerved by this but calmed themselves down easily eventually. There should really be a pamphlet about this sort of thing, like they have on airplanes.
After the compartment was mostly full of water I stopped trying to hold my breath and started filling my lungs with water. No, I am not a crazy woman. Well, maybe I am but I knew what I was doing at this moment. There were a couple of extra things Dad had given me, at the wedding but not because of the wedding. He said it was because I deserved them, because I was getting stronger. One of them, a ring made of gold with two pearls in it - looked just like the one from Clash of the Titans - had a note attached that said I would need it. I wondered how he knew, until I remembered that he's in the business of seeing the future. So it wasn't really surprising when I told him that Gunnar and I were preparing to go to Guinnee that he said, "Yeah, I know." And then he gave Gunnar a long look that I'm still not sure what it was about.
So, yeah. I figured out, kinda by accident when I nodded off very briefly in a bubble bath, that I can breathe water when I'm wearing that pearl ring. Sudsy water tastes terrible, by the way, even in your lungs.
The other thing was a postcard with the name of a little tattoo shop not too far from where we would, not likely by coincidence, be staying for our honeymoon in France. Needles on your shoulderblades for hours straight, even if you're a demigod, still sting like a bitch.
So yeah. Gunnar and I acclimated to our new environment and I got out my new axe and then we pretty much just went back to talking, pausing only to wave away the little Forgetful Fish (that is totally what I'm calling them from now on) when they tried to take our memories instead of those of the ghosts. At least I think that's what they were doing.
It's hard to understand a Nommo and at one point I thought maybe we would have to play charades instead, but Gunnar explained that his reaction to seeing Sara, and his declaration that using her as a bargaining chip was "fucked up" was because that whole thing where she died right in front of him was... Well, it was fucked up. But that's his story, not mine.
I myself decided that if she was the type of person who would stand with him and fight against those shinobi things, she wasn't the type of soul I could use as currency. Then I kept thinking about it. I couldn't not think about it, about whether I want to be the type of person who uses anyone's soul - yeah, even Victor's... dammit - as currency. I pretty much reached the same conclusion I did when Erzulie offered me the chance to conceive and give her a kid instead of going to the underworld. People, in any form, are not supposed to be used to pay debts. Babies are not a form of currency, and I am not and never will be the type of person who trades in souls, not even for the sake of my sons. And anyway, there's a good chance that sort of thing would piss someone off enough to punish my kids for the shit I've done and quite frankly that just won't do.
So Gunnar said this didn't seem so bad, as afterlives go, and he didn't really want to drag a ghost around while we tried to find her somewhere better. I told Gunnar that if it looked like Sara and Victor would have a happier afterlife here than they would in the Fields of Asphodel, then I'd be happy to leave them in the Baron's care. I think he might be a better steward than Hades, but that could just be bias because I've never witnessed the Baron scheming to kill a god. If it doesn't look like this would be a kinder place, I will take them back to Hades - by myself, if I have to - and we can figure out some other exchange with the Baron. We'll do shit the hard way if we have to, but we will do it right.
He'd just nodded, which looks a little weird on a Nommo, then his attention was suddenly elsewhere. The forgetful fish started acting weird, and then the side of the boat was rammed really hard. A massive fucking shark with a hide like a tank was attacking the boat. I guess because massive fucking sharks have nothing better to do down here. Well, that and the Drowned Road is right next door. Literally. If you look off into the distance in Guinnee you can kinda see the cutoff where the realm that is the Drowned Road starts.
Anyway. Riding the Megashark was a saltwater hooker, some call them sirens, and swarming around her were these weird monkey-fish things with hands for tails. We didn't realize what the monkey fish wanted, and we didn't realize how well organized this shit was because saltwater hookers are distracting. She started singing, and it was beautiful. More beautiful even than Susan's voice when she sang for mine and Gunnar's first dance at the reception. Gunnar and I both moved towards it, more or less helpless to resist. Yeah, I went too. What? I'm a physician, and I am perfectly capable of appreciating the beauty of the female form.
Gunnar was ahead of me, as usual, and this creature turned her attention to him. Part of my memory, the part that still worked the way it should, tickled. Sirens notoriously led men to their doom in the Odyssey. I mean, it's not like there were many sharp rocks around for him to impale himself on and I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen if she got her hands on him, but I wasn't going to find out. She kept singing, beckoning to us both as we drew closer. I managed a glance at my husband, the guy whose kids I'm carrying, and two words came to mind. He's mine.
I shook off the effects of her song, just for an instant, but it was long enough to cut the bitch in half. Literally.
Fuck titanspawn who think they can mess with my family. You know, fuck titans too.
Anyway. The boat started leaving without us and we decided it was a pretty good idea to catch up after it became apparent we weren't doing a godsdamned thing to hurt the Megashark. Bastard - or bitch, I'm a little fuzzy on shark genders - was easy enough to hit but I kept feeling like Mercy was just bouncing off of its hide. Seriously, it was like hitting a concrete fucking bunker.
When we swam back to the boat the monkey fish had taken all of the forgetful fish and Gunnar had the smart idea to go above deck and check on Agwe, though it took me a second to realize that's what Nommo-Gunnar was saying. He swam ahead of me, as usual. When I made it above deck I saw that Agwe was fighting Nommo. Nommo are still fuckers. I also saw that Gunnar was at the helm of the ship all pirate like with his Nommo-self. I fell in love all over again. Yeah, even though he looked like a Nommo, because that was seriously badass. Think about it. How many other people can say they've steered the massive vessel which ferries the spirits of the undead to their final resting place? Well, there's me, and Gunnar, and the various ferrymen for the underworlds and that's all I know of. I say me because I kinda grabbed the wheel when he looked like he was losing control.
I'm blaming the lack of feet.
I've begun publishing unfinished entries as a way of allowing readers to preview the entries which are yet to come. Also, the dates don't mean anything as far as actual in-game chronology goes.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Intermission
July 27th, 2011
It's been a busy and quiet month. The kids are now off on their own quest things, they left right after the wedding.
So aside from a few comings and goings, it's pretty much just been me and Gunnar back at the house. The Berkeley house, I mean. I'm selling Mom's house, it's time to let go. So yeah, pretty much me and him. It's a little weird but definitely not at all unbearable. I think I'd just gotten used to having a house full of people, and now there's just me, and him, and quiet, and Nevermore - which, now that I think of it, kinda takes care of the quiet - and a dwarf named Dorthen who snorts at the beer in my house but drinks it anyway.
Dorthen, who hates to be called Francois for some reason, showed up at my house a couple of days before Gunnar and I left for New Orleans. I guess Dorthen's other project is done and he's going to just be hanging around our house. Drinking, bitching and building. Not necessarily in that order. When Dorthen showed up, he brought some package he handed off to Gunnar. It was from Heimdall, for the boys.
Nemean. Fucking. Baseball. Gloves. Like, gloves made from the hide of a Nemean Bear. Of course I started crying when Gunnar showed them to me.
Speaking of kids, we got a postcard from China the other day. The kids say they're coming home soon to try to help Azzeza out. I haven't seen anything of her since well before the wedding, which concerns me. A little. I mean, she's probably got plenty of ghostly things to do but I've been wanting to say hi.
Oh, and Camila and Jack are both gone. Jack just kinda walked off. Tossed some chalk at Nate, gave Gunnar a fistbump, said 'bye to me. I told him he was still an asshole, but to call us if he needed.
Camila just left a note. Said we, or maybe just I, "owed" her. I don't owe her shit, for the record. Great thing about free will, the choices you make are your own weight to carry. But while we're on the topic of who owes who, I did make the new orphan steward of Mag Mell promise not to make any sort of retaliation against her. I've also made it clear to Gunnar that while what she did pissed me off, I believe it was for a reason and while I'm not gonna die for her, I'd have her back if Crazy Cordelia shows up to dish out some hurt on her father's murderer. Though, maybe now that she's gone, that will keep those all that trouble off of our doorstep.
Probably not.
The plan was, originally, to head to Guinnee while we were waiting for the Eye to be dealt with. That didn't go the way we planned, because of all the preparations and the work we started on the house and waiting for the others to get ready it's taken us this long just to be sure we were even going to Guinnee.
I'd spent some time with Luc, figuring out how to even get in. He didn't know anything about raising the dead out of Guinnee, he said the dead should stay dead. I completely agree.
But my choices are:
- Raise the dead and go against the laws of nature
- Leave shit the way it should be and consequently let Erzulie keep fucking with me, and maybe try to take one of my sons
Quite frankly, both of those choices suck on a titanic scale. But the second choice, that's the one that wouldprobably definitely end in both me and Gunnar killing someone else if they tried to come take one of our kids. We've had that conversation before, back when it was all hypothetical. The first choice is more like reverse murder if you think about it. It's just as unnatural as murder, and while I'm extremely uncomfortable with going against the natural order of things I'm more comfortable with that than I am with having to kill more of Erzulie's kids or letting her have one of mine.
And now that I'm in a position to really think about it, I understand why she's so pissed. Kinda. I mean, Marie fucked up. I don't know why she was following Kane and I still don't really care. But I get why a mother is so pissed that one of her kids is dead, even if that death occurred because that kid fucked up.
At least I managed, after a long conversation, to talk Nate into going to Germany to help the rest of our friends. He would have had to go anyway because I wasn't going to take him into the underworld with me, but I'm glad he made the choice voluntarily. Stranding a friend in a cemetery when he's trying to help me might put a bit of a strain on our only-recently-solidified relationship. He's fucking stubborn. So am I. He kept saying that he was partially responsible for what I did in Vegas, and I kept saying he was full of it. But it's tricky trying to convince someone that a task is important enough that it has to be accomplished with all due haste, but that it's not so important that it's worth sacrificing the lives of others. For a brief moment Gunnar and I even considered putting Guinnee off even longer, if it would take too long and keep us from being able to help our friends. Then he went and talked to Marie Laveau, and when he came back he just said, "We're going to Guinnee." Like I'm gonna argue.
I mean, I lied when I told Nate I was worried about being broken by Erzulie and her "subcontractors." I'm not worried that she'll break me. Not to say I don't think she could, I just don't really think it would stop me for long. I'd get over it, or I'd try, and in the meantime I'd just keep doing my fucking job cuz that's what I have to do.
I am worried, however, that she'll harm my sons in the process and for that... I'd have to kill her.
It's been a busy and quiet month. The kids are now off on their own quest things, they left right after the wedding.
So aside from a few comings and goings, it's pretty much just been me and Gunnar back at the house. The Berkeley house, I mean. I'm selling Mom's house, it's time to let go. So yeah, pretty much me and him. It's a little weird but definitely not at all unbearable. I think I'd just gotten used to having a house full of people, and now there's just me, and him, and quiet, and Nevermore - which, now that I think of it, kinda takes care of the quiet - and a dwarf named Dorthen who snorts at the beer in my house but drinks it anyway.
Dorthen, who hates to be called Francois for some reason, showed up at my house a couple of days before Gunnar and I left for New Orleans. I guess Dorthen's other project is done and he's going to just be hanging around our house. Drinking, bitching and building. Not necessarily in that order. When Dorthen showed up, he brought some package he handed off to Gunnar. It was from Heimdall, for the boys.
Nemean. Fucking. Baseball. Gloves. Like, gloves made from the hide of a Nemean Bear. Of course I started crying when Gunnar showed them to me.
Speaking of kids, we got a postcard from China the other day. The kids say they're coming home soon to try to help Azzeza out. I haven't seen anything of her since well before the wedding, which concerns me. A little. I mean, she's probably got plenty of ghostly things to do but I've been wanting to say hi.
Oh, and Camila and Jack are both gone. Jack just kinda walked off. Tossed some chalk at Nate, gave Gunnar a fistbump, said 'bye to me. I told him he was still an asshole, but to call us if he needed.
Camila just left a note. Said we, or maybe just I, "owed" her. I don't owe her shit, for the record. Great thing about free will, the choices you make are your own weight to carry. But while we're on the topic of who owes who, I did make the new orphan steward of Mag Mell promise not to make any sort of retaliation against her. I've also made it clear to Gunnar that while what she did pissed me off, I believe it was for a reason and while I'm not gonna die for her, I'd have her back if Crazy Cordelia shows up to dish out some hurt on her father's murderer. Though, maybe now that she's gone, that will keep those all that trouble off of our doorstep.
Probably not.
The plan was, originally, to head to Guinnee while we were waiting for the Eye to be dealt with. That didn't go the way we planned, because of all the preparations and the work we started on the house and waiting for the others to get ready it's taken us this long just to be sure we were even going to Guinnee.
I'd spent some time with Luc, figuring out how to even get in. He didn't know anything about raising the dead out of Guinnee, he said the dead should stay dead. I completely agree.
But my choices are:
- Raise the dead and go against the laws of nature
- Leave shit the way it should be and consequently let Erzulie keep fucking with me, and maybe try to take one of my sons
Quite frankly, both of those choices suck on a titanic scale. But the second choice, that's the one that would
And now that I'm in a position to really think about it, I understand why she's so pissed. Kinda. I mean, Marie fucked up. I don't know why she was following Kane and I still don't really care. But I get why a mother is so pissed that one of her kids is dead, even if that death occurred because that kid fucked up.
At least I managed, after a long conversation, to talk Nate into going to Germany to help the rest of our friends. He would have had to go anyway because I wasn't going to take him into the underworld with me, but I'm glad he made the choice voluntarily. Stranding a friend in a cemetery when he's trying to help me might put a bit of a strain on our only-recently-solidified relationship. He's fucking stubborn. So am I. He kept saying that he was partially responsible for what I did in Vegas, and I kept saying he was full of it. But it's tricky trying to convince someone that a task is important enough that it has to be accomplished with all due haste, but that it's not so important that it's worth sacrificing the lives of others. For a brief moment Gunnar and I even considered putting Guinnee off even longer, if it would take too long and keep us from being able to help our friends. Then he went and talked to Marie Laveau, and when he came back he just said, "We're going to Guinnee." Like I'm gonna argue.
I mean, I lied when I told Nate I was worried about being broken by Erzulie and her "subcontractors." I'm not worried that she'll break me. Not to say I don't think she could, I just don't really think it would stop me for long. I'd get over it, or I'd try, and in the meantime I'd just keep doing my fucking job cuz that's what I have to do.
I am worried, however, that she'll harm my sons in the process and for that... I'd have to kill her.
Shape of Things to Come
Never heard me muttering about the things Frigg showed me and suggested, that unless or until my memory becomes as incredible and perfect as his, that I write shit like that down. So here goes.
Frigg places her hands on my head and my eyes are open but I'm not seeing what's in front of me anymore. I feel the familiar lick of flames on my skin. They do not burn but they instantly remind me of all the shit I went through in Afghanistan, proving to me that the traumas I'd thought were healed were instead only thinly scabbed over. I look around and see fields of burning rock covered in the bodies of mortals, the sky covered in clouds as black as pitch.
In the distance I hear the sound of a pick on stone and as I move towards it I realize the scenery has changed, morphing into the emerald fields of Mag Mell. Just ahead I see Hachiman, The Morrigan and Hades digging a hole with a mountain of dirt at their back. They pause to look into the hole and reel back in surprise. I sprint forward, running to see what would startle the gods but wheel around in midstep as I hear the cry of someone dying.
My field of vision fills with the throat of a man being sliced open, I shake it away and realize it was a hallucination. I turn back to the hole and see the body of a dead lion laying in a pool of blood at the bottom.
An arctic wind blowing from behind chills me to the bone. I turn once again but this time the blazing fields from which I'd come are become a tundra. On the horizon before me stand giant gates. They are made of ice, hundreds of feet tall. They stand open and an army of blue skinned creatures are pouring forth. A shrill wolf cry echoes against the gates. Above me I see the silhouette of a wolf against a full moon.
I glance back down and find myself standing outside my home - mine and Gunnar's home - in Berkeley. Between me and the house stand the frames of four cribs. I realize there is something in my hands as I gaze at the cribs. I look down and find a golden scale there. One side holds the Earth. The other holds nothing. The scale is perfectly balanced.
I look closer at the globe and realize an inky blackness is wrapping across it from several points across the surface. The darkness expands from the globe until I too am swallowed by the darkness.
A sudden explosion of light makes me shield my eyes. Once more I find myself on the flaming plain. Singing above draws my eye to the sky where I see a group of angelic figures. They are pulling away, upward, as something begins falling from them. They are bombs... very large bombs. Dread sinks into my bones no matter how I try to shake it.
The bombs hit and again everything is light. The light ebbs to blueness and suddenly I see Nate standing beyond, a sword of blue light in his hand. He is engaged in battle. It takes me a moment but I realize eventually that his foe is the corpse of Manannan Mac Lir, given life again. The corpse pulls out a sword of light himself and the two clash. The fighting is intense but ends as the zombie-god removes Nate's sword arm. I run toward Nate, my hands extending to try help in any way I can.
My hand then fills my vision as it reaches into webs, spider webs? More hands reach out... 6 more, all grasp a globe stuck in the web and pull it free. It is then that I realize that the globe served as a keystone for the web and it begins to collapse bringing several other spheres crashing down from being stuck there. The spheres fall and fall into fire and begin to burn away.
The fire shimmers and sways and I see Brendan laying beyond, a sword crafted of pure fire pushed through his chest and nailing him to the ground. Blood pools out of Brendan's mouth, already stained black with ichor. Brendan stares blankly into the air muttering something, he pulls a ragged and crippled arm up to point at the sky. My gaze follows the direction of his finger.
Towering above me is the body of an enormous snake. Within its maw Gunnar stands, attempting to prevent the jaws from closing. They snap shut anyway and I see, and hear, Gunnar's bones snap in half. His footing gives way as his legs break. He begins falling down the gullet of the snake. The snake turns to me and as we lock eyes I begin to feel frozen in its gaze.
I cried out and the snake's face faded. Frigg stood before me instead, brushing away the tears I hadn't realized were flowing freely down my cheeks.
I like Gunnar's prediction better. He said, "We'll have a wonderful, godly life together, and the titans will look upon our pairing with longing for the days of couples like Hera and Zeus who are too busy cheating on each other and turning mistresses into cattle to work together. It'll be like Mr. And Mrs. Smith, except more badass, and a lot less awkward.""Now I feel the worst is near
I hold them close and count their years
And pray a ray of light appears
To shine down on us here
Breakdown in the shape of things to come
But I'm moving on like a soldier
And I say now when all is said and done
It's not ours to break, the shape of things to come
There's a crack in the clouds
But only for a moment now
Like an owl looking out
The blue sky spies the roads we will go down
I wonder what they hold for us
I hold my family to my breast
I feel the worst and hope the best
Will come to see us blessed
Breakdown in the shape of things to come
But I'm moving on like a soldier..."
Audioslave, Shape of Things to Come
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Why Do I Keep Counting?
"There's a plane and I am flying
There's a mountain waiting for me
Oh these years have been so trying
I don't know if I can use them
Am I strong enough
To be the one?
Will I live to have some children?
Help me get down,
I can make it,
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you, Father..."
The Killers, Why Do I Keep Counting?
Dad showed up today to tell us that yes, the world is still in danger because no, that wasn't Ixion whose neck got snapped by Hercules.
Dad took one look at me, raised his eyebrows, and I herded him to a place that was elsewhere so that we could talk in private. I told him that I don't want anyone else to know, it's probably safer that way. We've got enemies already, people who would likely be thrilled to use this news against us. People who probably wouldn't be thrilled by the logical suspicion that Heimdall and Apollo are getting new Scions. Or people who just wanna fuck with us.
Dad agreed to keep it quiet, for now. Maybe (hopefully?) I'm just being paranoid. He also offered to do this... thing... where he said he'd make sure the boys would be strong and healthy when they were born. I'm not sure how to describe it, some sort of blessing that I could probably do for other people but like most of my tricks, I can't use them on myself.
"I didn't wanna have to ask," I grinned at him. "But I would have. It's gonna be twins," I told him. "Boys, and you and Heimdall aren't allowed to fight because you're both getting Scions."
His eyes lighted a little, but he didn't say anything about the Scion comment. He put both his hands on my abdomen and just said, "You know, boys are a handful..."
I felt this energy, warm and tingling, running through my body and heard the faintest, briefest flutter of two almost-heartbeats. And I gasped, put my hands over his and promptly started crying.
"You'll be a great mother, Laurel," Dad said as he kissed me on the forehead. "Have you thought of names?"
"Gunnar and I haven't really talked about it, yet," I blinked, and kept crying. Yeah, I think it's gonna be one of those types of pregnancies. Where I'm crying all the time, for no fucking reason. Nobody will ever suspect a thing.
"Except we know that we can't raise them ourselves. We can't quit what we're doing and we don't know where to go from there." I wiped my eyes with the heels of my palms, sniffling as Dad took his hands off my stomach. The tears dried up as quickly as they'd come. Great.
"Um, but I really like Alexander, and Erik. Good names for future conquerors."
Dad nodded at the names, but when he spoke it was about what Gunnar and I had realized. "Then you're really ready for the next step, kiddo. I hope you understand now why I couldn't be around when you were younger." His voice swelled a little. "It's the hardest... second hardest thing you'll ever do." After watching the way Hercules looked at his little boy... I can imagine what the first is. "But you'll realize it's also one of the most important things you'll ever do. It'll force them to become strong, maybe even stronger than if you were there." He looked at me very intently. I guess he was talking about me there. I wanted to hit him, to scream at him, because I don't want my sons to have to be strong. I know they will be, gods I know they will be. But I wish it weren't a matter of necessity.
"So this is top secret then?" He made some weird spy face, at least I think that's what he was trying to do. He put a finger over his lips and raised one eyebrow. It was kinda comical; I wish I'd thought to take a picture to show the kids. And this is Grandpa being a dork.
"Mum's the word, kiddo, just be aware you can't keep it from everyone. Gunnar's dad is more perceptive than I and I got it right away."
I imagine Gunnar's reveal will sound a lot like "Hey Dad, how's it going? Good? Good. Laurel's-pregnant-don't-tell-anyone-bye!"
"I'll try to swing back by soon," Dad said as he hugged me and faded away. "Say hi to Gunnar for me, and don't do anything foolish, you're fighting for three now!"
Yeah. Diving into the middle of the ocean is totally not foolish. I mean, considering the circumstances.
There's a mountain waiting for me
Oh these years have been so trying
I don't know if I can use them
Am I strong enough
To be the one?
Will I live to have some children?
Help me get down,
I can make it,
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you, Father..."
The Killers, Why Do I Keep Counting?
Dad showed up today to tell us that yes, the world is still in danger because no, that wasn't Ixion whose neck got snapped by Hercules.
Dad took one look at me, raised his eyebrows, and I herded him to a place that was elsewhere so that we could talk in private. I told him that I don't want anyone else to know, it's probably safer that way. We've got enemies already, people who would likely be thrilled to use this news against us. People who probably wouldn't be thrilled by the logical suspicion that Heimdall and Apollo are getting new Scions. Or people who just wanna fuck with us.
Dad agreed to keep it quiet, for now. Maybe (hopefully?) I'm just being paranoid. He also offered to do this... thing... where he said he'd make sure the boys would be strong and healthy when they were born. I'm not sure how to describe it, some sort of blessing that I could probably do for other people but like most of my tricks, I can't use them on myself.
"I didn't wanna have to ask," I grinned at him. "But I would have. It's gonna be twins," I told him. "Boys, and you and Heimdall aren't allowed to fight because you're both getting Scions."
His eyes lighted a little, but he didn't say anything about the Scion comment. He put both his hands on my abdomen and just said, "You know, boys are a handful..."
I felt this energy, warm and tingling, running through my body and heard the faintest, briefest flutter of two almost-heartbeats. And I gasped, put my hands over his and promptly started crying.
"You'll be a great mother, Laurel," Dad said as he kissed me on the forehead. "Have you thought of names?"
"Gunnar and I haven't really talked about it, yet," I blinked, and kept crying. Yeah, I think it's gonna be one of those types of pregnancies. Where I'm crying all the time, for no fucking reason. Nobody will ever suspect a thing.
"Except we know that we can't raise them ourselves. We can't quit what we're doing and we don't know where to go from there." I wiped my eyes with the heels of my palms, sniffling as Dad took his hands off my stomach. The tears dried up as quickly as they'd come. Great.
"Um, but I really like Alexander, and Erik. Good names for future conquerors."
Dad nodded at the names, but when he spoke it was about what Gunnar and I had realized. "Then you're really ready for the next step, kiddo. I hope you understand now why I couldn't be around when you were younger." His voice swelled a little. "It's the hardest... second hardest thing you'll ever do." After watching the way Hercules looked at his little boy... I can imagine what the first is. "But you'll realize it's also one of the most important things you'll ever do. It'll force them to become strong, maybe even stronger than if you were there." He looked at me very intently. I guess he was talking about me there. I wanted to hit him, to scream at him, because I don't want my sons to have to be strong. I know they will be, gods I know they will be. But I wish it weren't a matter of necessity.
"So this is top secret then?" He made some weird spy face, at least I think that's what he was trying to do. He put a finger over his lips and raised one eyebrow. It was kinda comical; I wish I'd thought to take a picture to show the kids. And this is Grandpa being a dork.
"Mum's the word, kiddo, just be aware you can't keep it from everyone. Gunnar's dad is more perceptive than I and I got it right away."
I imagine Gunnar's reveal will sound a lot like "Hey Dad, how's it going? Good? Good. Laurel's-pregnant-don't-tell-anyone-bye!"
"I'll try to swing back by soon," Dad said as he hugged me and faded away. "Say hi to Gunnar for me, and don't do anything foolish, you're fighting for three now!"
Yeah. Diving into the middle of the ocean is totally not foolish. I mean, considering the circumstances.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Everything Will Be Alright
I feel so bipolar right now.
Gods, I hope I haven't freaked Gunnar out. He seems to be alright. At least he doesn't think I'm insane... that I know of...
So, yeah. We're in France, and it's been gorgeous and awesome and there have been absolutely no snakes or titans or crises of any kind. Well... yeah, I'm gonna stick with that. This isn't really a crisis.
I know I've been a little "off" all day, and I know he's noticed it and I had to 'fess up because I can't stand even feeling like I'm keeping something from him.
We sat down and I just started rambling, because even with all of my newfound social prowess that's still how I roll around him.
"Gods, this is weird. We need," I emphasized, "to talk. About kids." Without even thinking about it, I'd already folded my arms over my stomach, grasping at my sides. "What would we do if I got pregnant? We um... We need to have a plan. There are a lot of questions we should have answers to, like, who's going to raise our kids? Cuz we already kinda know it can't be us." That part was hard to admit. Harder to think about. "How often would we see them? Would we warn them what's in their future? If we did, when? What would we say? How would we protect them from the weird shit that's inevitably gonna seek them out?" I couldn't even look him in the eye for most of while I was rambling. I stared at my feet, or at the scenery around us. I was nervous. Scared. Well, terrified, really.
"Um, Gunnar?" I slowed down. I looked him in the eyes. I sighed and smiled, small and flustered. "So, um... I'm pregnant, Gunnar. With twins. Boys."
I'll give him full credit for trying to keep up with me. He started off trying to answer all of the questions I'd asked at the beginning. "Well I think we would... well I guess we might... Wait, you're what?" And the end part caught up with him. "How can you already know that?!"
Yeah, I knew he was going to ask that. That's what I'd been pondering all day, how to describe to him that I just knew. I didn't want to give the "because-I-just-know-but-I-won't-be-able-to-prove-it-to-you-with-any-sort-of-test-for-a-few-days-until-the-hormone-spikes-actually-show-up-in-my-blood-but-just-trust-me-on-this-because-I'm-going-to-one-day-be-a-goddess-of-this-type-of-thing-maybe" answer.
"Uh, well, it's going to sound weird. I mean, I knew right when it happened. But that seemed too weird, and I thought maybe I was wrong. Then I knew that no, I was right... And I felt like I could choose..." it was a difficult thing to put into words, kinda like trying to describe what happens when I make Gunnar all "Die Hard," or how I can tell someone's sick just by the colors around them. "Like I could choose boy or girl," I started picking up speed again, "and how many and I figured I don't want our dads fighting over who gets to have a Scion from us because that shit could seriously start a war... and what guy doesn't want strong, healthy boys?"
And he laughed. Which was a huge relief. "I think that's legit." I blinked a little at the word, smirking myself. "I, uh, yeah. Well, maybe we could convince my mom to raise them?" He was silent for a moment. "Maybe that wouldn't work. Shit, I dunno. I mean, I'd feel like shit putting them in the foster care system, but it would at least make it harder for bad dudes to find them if we have no other options." He thought for a few minutes, while I picked at my nails.
"When do we get our own scions anyways?" I'm not sure if I wanna know why he sounded so excited about that.
"When we're gods ourselves, I figure," I shrugged. "If we can stay in their lives, I would want to. I mean, until just the other day I had a house full of kids who felt like orphans. If I can avoid bringing two more into the world, I would like to. I don't want to tell the band right away," I added. "I know they're going to try to sideline me or something stupid." It wasn't just that, I also figured that the fewer people who knew, the better. The safer it would be, for them. The kids I mean. Our kids. Shit.
"Another reason I picked boys," I was kinda thinking aloud more than specifically talking to him, but still running the words together as usual, "is because I remember Erzulie said she wanted a daughter and I didn't want her to think I'd changed my mind and-" my eyes went wide, focusing on Gunnar, " OH-MY-GOD-I-need-to-go-to-Guinnee-what-if-she-decides-she-wants-sons-instead??"
Yep. From 0 to freaking-right-the-hell-out in less than 2 seconds.
And Gunnar, I don't know how he does it, maybe there's some special "stop Laurel from having a heart attack" skill that he managed to pick up, but he just put his hands on my shoulders. Looked me in the eyes, calm and steady while my heart was about to traipse right out of my throat. "Doesn't matter, she can't have them. We'll go get her kid and be done with this, soon as we can."
So I guess when we get back to the States, we're getting ready to go to Guinnee.
Gods, I hope I haven't freaked Gunnar out. He seems to be alright. At least he doesn't think I'm insane... that I know of...
So, yeah. We're in France, and it's been gorgeous and awesome and there have been absolutely no snakes or titans or crises of any kind. Well... yeah, I'm gonna stick with that. This isn't really a crisis.
I know I've been a little "off" all day, and I know he's noticed it and I had to 'fess up because I can't stand even feeling like I'm keeping something from him.
We sat down and I just started rambling, because even with all of my newfound social prowess that's still how I roll around him.
"Gods, this is weird. We need," I emphasized, "to talk. About kids." Without even thinking about it, I'd already folded my arms over my stomach, grasping at my sides. "What would we do if I got pregnant? We um... We need to have a plan. There are a lot of questions we should have answers to, like, who's going to raise our kids? Cuz we already kinda know it can't be us." That part was hard to admit. Harder to think about. "How often would we see them? Would we warn them what's in their future? If we did, when? What would we say? How would we protect them from the weird shit that's inevitably gonna seek them out?" I couldn't even look him in the eye for most of while I was rambling. I stared at my feet, or at the scenery around us. I was nervous. Scared. Well, terrified, really.
"Um, Gunnar?" I slowed down. I looked him in the eyes. I sighed and smiled, small and flustered. "So, um... I'm pregnant, Gunnar. With twins. Boys."
I'll give him full credit for trying to keep up with me. He started off trying to answer all of the questions I'd asked at the beginning. "Well I think we would... well I guess we might... Wait, you're what?" And the end part caught up with him. "How can you already know that?!"
Yeah, I knew he was going to ask that. That's what I'd been pondering all day, how to describe to him that I just knew. I didn't want to give the "because-I-just-know-but-I-won't-be-able-to-prove-it-to-you-with-any-sort-of-test-for-a-few-days-until-the-hormone-spikes-actually-show-up-in-my-blood-but-just-trust-me-on-this-because-I'm-going-to-one-day-be-a-goddess-of-this-type-of-thing-maybe" answer.
"Uh, well, it's going to sound weird. I mean, I knew right when it happened. But that seemed too weird, and I thought maybe I was wrong. Then I knew that no, I was right... And I felt like I could choose..." it was a difficult thing to put into words, kinda like trying to describe what happens when I make Gunnar all "Die Hard," or how I can tell someone's sick just by the colors around them. "Like I could choose boy or girl," I started picking up speed again, "and how many and I figured I don't want our dads fighting over who gets to have a Scion from us because that shit could seriously start a war... and what guy doesn't want strong, healthy boys?"
And he laughed. Which was a huge relief. "I think that's legit." I blinked a little at the word, smirking myself. "I, uh, yeah. Well, maybe we could convince my mom to raise them?" He was silent for a moment. "Maybe that wouldn't work. Shit, I dunno. I mean, I'd feel like shit putting them in the foster care system, but it would at least make it harder for bad dudes to find them if we have no other options." He thought for a few minutes, while I picked at my nails.
"When do we get our own scions anyways?" I'm not sure if I wanna know why he sounded so excited about that.
"When we're gods ourselves, I figure," I shrugged. "If we can stay in their lives, I would want to. I mean, until just the other day I had a house full of kids who felt like orphans. If I can avoid bringing two more into the world, I would like to. I don't want to tell the band right away," I added. "I know they're going to try to sideline me or something stupid." It wasn't just that, I also figured that the fewer people who knew, the better. The safer it would be, for them. The kids I mean. Our kids. Shit.
"Another reason I picked boys," I was kinda thinking aloud more than specifically talking to him, but still running the words together as usual, "is because I remember Erzulie said she wanted a daughter and I didn't want her to think I'd changed my mind and-" my eyes went wide, focusing on Gunnar, " OH-MY-GOD-I-need-to-go-to-Guinnee-what-if-she-decides-she-wants-sons-instead??"
Yep. From 0 to freaking-right-the-hell-out in less than 2 seconds.
And Gunnar, I don't know how he does it, maybe there's some special "stop Laurel from having a heart attack" skill that he managed to pick up, but he just put his hands on my shoulders. Looked me in the eyes, calm and steady while my heart was about to traipse right out of my throat. "Doesn't matter, she can't have them. We'll go get her kid and be done with this, soon as we can."
So I guess when we get back to the States, we're getting ready to go to Guinnee.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Nothing Else Matters
You know, with everything else that happened during the day it's a wonder that I only had the one meltdown.
What's that? You want the list? Well, here goes.
Thad showed up with Shannel or however you fucking spell it, that newscaster from New Orleans. Who is Thad? Thad is Alison's ex, and he is, in fact, a colossal douchebag. I mean, I don't trust anyone named Thad to begin with, but this guy has some sort of complex. Apparently he made his way to Chicago all the way from Vegas just to crash Nate's date. I only heard secondhand accounts from Nevermore of these events, mostly of Nate heroically juggling my wedding cake and Thad's face while Ciara scaled the nearest skyscraper pretending to be a jumper (which is probably one of the best wedding presents ever, and a lot easier to figure out than that blender).
Then there was a cattle drive through downtown Chicago.
You know what, that's inaccurate. Pardon. It wasn't a cattle drive because they were yaks. Forty golden yaks and several dwarves. It sounds like the punchline to a bad joke. Until you think about what they did to the church grounds.
Oh, and the wedding planner, Anne, cancelled on me the morning of the wedding, saying that her mother was dead. She offered me a refund, but I told her to keep the money. She'll probably need it for the funeral, and she'd saved me a few headaches. Anyway, that was why Nate was juggling a cake. People had to be sent to go retrieve the wedding cake, the food, and the flowers. Ciara helped with that too. She's a lot more helpful than I was expecting her to be, considering she's supposed to be making sure we accomplish a task we're just kind of ignoring.
The Eye of Balor, by the way, was also in attendance at the ceremony. Let's add that to the list of shit I'd rather hadn't happened and contributed to a mild case of hypertension. We put it in a crate under a sheet in one of the corners. Though, my logic was that if anyone had the balls big enough to crash a party full of gods, and I'm talking the progenitors of pantheons, to get that thing then I figured they fucking deserved it.
But everything was retrieved without much difficulty, for all the difference it made, because according to Gunnar, "Some Greek people showed up" and started redecorating. I guess they weren't impressed by my floral selections.
Whatever.
Finally, I was getting ready, putting on my shoes and swearing at my new hairstyle. There was a knock on the door. She said her name was Judith and that she was Anne's assistant.
Anne cancelled on me this morning, like I said, so that should have been a warning sign. I finished finding my shoes. Judith said she was sent to deliver the boutonnieres.
Those should have come with the flowers. That should have been a warning too.
And for some reason she wasn't taking them to the groom or best man, who really should have been in charge of getting them on the groomsmen and ushers. I'm bad at paying attention to warnings so I opened the door once I finished struggling around my dress to get the thigh holster for Sibyl on. Some brides wear garters. Not me.
Anyway. She brings them in, scooting around Camila who I guess was there to make sure I didn't go ballistic and kill anyone. I'm not sure who thought that one up. She said... something. I wasn't paying attention, honestly. Then she told me I was a beautiful bride, and put her hand on my shoulder and left.
I turned to Camila to make a "that was weird" face, and Camila met that and raised me a "you need to look in a mirror because you've got MURDERER carved into your forehead" face.
I just... took a long breath and stared at the mirror. Breathing. Evenly, calmly. I had options, obviously.
I could try to cover it up.
I could call everything off for the day, spend gods-know-how-long figuring out what was done to me and how to undo it, if that was even possible and take gods-know-how-long for the stars to align so that we could all (Odin, Frigg, Zeus, Hera, Heimdall, Apollo, Artemis, Ms. Esparza, our Bandmates and all of the kids) get together like this again.
Or, the option I chose, I could think about this realistically. Just because it was on my forehead did not make it news, and the one person about whose reaction I really even gave a good goddamn anymore was there the night I pulled the trigger. He'd been there for me ever since and quite frankly, leaving him standing at the altar was nowhere on my to do list.
Almost eight seconds later Brendan was pounding on the door. Nate must have known I was in trouble and sent Brendan to keep Gunnar from bouncing through the church to check on me. You know, since the groom's not supposed to see the bride and all those other stupid traditions.
"You alright?" Brendan asked cautiously.
I turned to him, gesturing to my recent cosmetic modification, raised an eyebrow, grinned sarcastically. "Just peachy. Be down in a few." He looked at me like he didn't believe I was actually going to come down. I just shrugged. Deep breaths. It's probably bad luck to kill someone on your wedding day, especially an innocent bystander.
It's also not like I'm expecting that either the Dodekatheon or the Aesir would feel terribly scandalized by the knowledge that I had a body count. Gunnar's mom might take some calming down. Ugh.
I sent Gunnar a pic of Judith's parting gift. "Didn't wanna surprise you. Scary Mary says hi. See you soon."
The rest of it went... I can't really remember how it went, honestly. I was all nervous and giddy and tongue-tied and I probably said 80 stupid things and there were still yaks in Chicago and Dionysus was spiking the... alcohol... with more alcohol and oh my gods I was getting married and my wedding guests included Odin and Zeus.
I mean, I remember the part where we said our vows, and Hera gave us a fucking dagger with which to cut ourselves. Gunnar was first, I remember the color of his blood. I remember how it darkened, thickened. I remember grinning, guessing what that meant. My turn went the same, I made a deep cut up my left arm. The blood welled up, dripped off of me before it thickened and the ruby red turned to a blackened burgundy. More ichor than blood, now. My nerves calmed then, probably because I felt stronger and just a little less socially unstable. I hadn't thought I could smile any brighter, but I did.
But that's not the part that's important. The new powers, everything that went wrong, the hard road ahead of us, even what Mary's goon did to my face... it doesn't matter. Smiling into his crazy blue eyes for that one dance, his face when he saw his groom's cake, that's the type of stuff that mattered today. Nothing else.
"So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters..."
Metallica, Nothing Else Matters
What's that? You want the list? Well, here goes.
Thad showed up with Shannel or however you fucking spell it, that newscaster from New Orleans. Who is Thad? Thad is Alison's ex, and he is, in fact, a colossal douchebag. I mean, I don't trust anyone named Thad to begin with, but this guy has some sort of complex. Apparently he made his way to Chicago all the way from Vegas just to crash Nate's date. I only heard secondhand accounts from Nevermore of these events, mostly of Nate heroically juggling my wedding cake and Thad's face while Ciara scaled the nearest skyscraper pretending to be a jumper (which is probably one of the best wedding presents ever, and a lot easier to figure out than that blender).
Then there was a cattle drive through downtown Chicago.
You know what, that's inaccurate. Pardon. It wasn't a cattle drive because they were yaks. Forty golden yaks and several dwarves. It sounds like the punchline to a bad joke. Until you think about what they did to the church grounds.
Oh, and the wedding planner, Anne, cancelled on me the morning of the wedding, saying that her mother was dead. She offered me a refund, but I told her to keep the money. She'll probably need it for the funeral, and she'd saved me a few headaches. Anyway, that was why Nate was juggling a cake. People had to be sent to go retrieve the wedding cake, the food, and the flowers. Ciara helped with that too. She's a lot more helpful than I was expecting her to be, considering she's supposed to be making sure we accomplish a task we're just kind of ignoring.
The Eye of Balor, by the way, was also in attendance at the ceremony. Let's add that to the list of shit I'd rather hadn't happened and contributed to a mild case of hypertension. We put it in a crate under a sheet in one of the corners. Though, my logic was that if anyone had the balls big enough to crash a party full of gods, and I'm talking the progenitors of pantheons, to get that thing then I figured they fucking deserved it.
But everything was retrieved without much difficulty, for all the difference it made, because according to Gunnar, "Some Greek people showed up" and started redecorating. I guess they weren't impressed by my floral selections.
Whatever.
Finally, I was getting ready, putting on my shoes and swearing at my new hairstyle. There was a knock on the door. She said her name was Judith and that she was Anne's assistant.
Anne cancelled on me this morning, like I said, so that should have been a warning sign. I finished finding my shoes. Judith said she was sent to deliver the boutonnieres.
Those should have come with the flowers. That should have been a warning too.
And for some reason she wasn't taking them to the groom or best man, who really should have been in charge of getting them on the groomsmen and ushers. I'm bad at paying attention to warnings so I opened the door once I finished struggling around my dress to get the thigh holster for Sibyl on. Some brides wear garters. Not me.
Anyway. She brings them in, scooting around Camila who I guess was there to make sure I didn't go ballistic and kill anyone. I'm not sure who thought that one up. She said... something. I wasn't paying attention, honestly. Then she told me I was a beautiful bride, and put her hand on my shoulder and left.
I turned to Camila to make a "that was weird" face, and Camila met that and raised me a "you need to look in a mirror because you've got MURDERER carved into your forehead" face.
I just... took a long breath and stared at the mirror. Breathing. Evenly, calmly. I had options, obviously.
I could try to cover it up.
I could call everything off for the day, spend gods-know-how-long figuring out what was done to me and how to undo it, if that was even possible and take gods-know-how-long for the stars to align so that we could all (Odin, Frigg, Zeus, Hera, Heimdall, Apollo, Artemis, Ms. Esparza, our Bandmates and all of the kids) get together like this again.
Or, the option I chose, I could think about this realistically. Just because it was on my forehead did not make it news, and the one person about whose reaction I really even gave a good goddamn anymore was there the night I pulled the trigger. He'd been there for me ever since and quite frankly, leaving him standing at the altar was nowhere on my to do list.
Almost eight seconds later Brendan was pounding on the door. Nate must have known I was in trouble and sent Brendan to keep Gunnar from bouncing through the church to check on me. You know, since the groom's not supposed to see the bride and all those other stupid traditions.
"You alright?" Brendan asked cautiously.
I turned to him, gesturing to my recent cosmetic modification, raised an eyebrow, grinned sarcastically. "Just peachy. Be down in a few." He looked at me like he didn't believe I was actually going to come down. I just shrugged. Deep breaths. It's probably bad luck to kill someone on your wedding day, especially an innocent bystander.
It's also not like I'm expecting that either the Dodekatheon or the Aesir would feel terribly scandalized by the knowledge that I had a body count. Gunnar's mom might take some calming down. Ugh.
I sent Gunnar a pic of Judith's parting gift. "Didn't wanna surprise you. Scary Mary says hi. See you soon."
The rest of it went... I can't really remember how it went, honestly. I was all nervous and giddy and tongue-tied and I probably said 80 stupid things and there were still yaks in Chicago and Dionysus was spiking the... alcohol... with more alcohol and oh my gods I was getting married and my wedding guests included Odin and Zeus.
I mean, I remember the part where we said our vows, and Hera gave us a fucking dagger with which to cut ourselves. Gunnar was first, I remember the color of his blood. I remember how it darkened, thickened. I remember grinning, guessing what that meant. My turn went the same, I made a deep cut up my left arm. The blood welled up, dripped off of me before it thickened and the ruby red turned to a blackened burgundy. More ichor than blood, now. My nerves calmed then, probably because I felt stronger and just a little less socially unstable. I hadn't thought I could smile any brighter, but I did.
But that's not the part that's important. The new powers, everything that went wrong, the hard road ahead of us, even what Mary's goon did to my face... it doesn't matter. Smiling into his crazy blue eyes for that one dance, his face when he saw his groom's cake, that's the type of stuff that mattered today. Nothing else.
"So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters..."
Metallica, Nothing Else Matters
Playing with Fire
Frigg caught us at the reception when we were making our rounds amongst the guests, offering to give us our wedding gift. If Gunnar and I were okay with it she was going to show me events in the future surrounding my new husband and I. That's how she put it anyway.
It was... difficult to watch. Painful, in almost every way it could have been. There was a lot of fire. It reminded me of Afghanistan. I think that unhinged me a little. Death. And things that should have been dead, but weren't. More fire, licking at my skin. I wonder if I would have felt burned, had I not been wearing dad's necklace.
And now, knowing what I know... Well, having seen what I've seen, and suspecting what I suspect, I'm well past the point of no return. I can't lose him like that. I won't lose him like that. Any of them. Nate, Brendan, or... gods, I don't even want to write it down.
I came out of it, hearing myself make a sobbing noise like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. I was crying and Frigg wiped away my tears. She said I could change what I'd seen. She said they were things that only might be. She said that the Aesir strive everyday to prevent such things. And she said, "Now that you are one of us, you had to understand." She said I was one of them.
I told Gunnar everything I saw. I laughed first, gallows humor. Told him he had snakes in his future and then I told him everything. Everything. The cribs, the bodies, the fire, the fights, the grave in Mag Mell and the sick sound of his bones snapping as Gunnar slid down the throat of that massive serpent. So loud.
No.
Gunnar hugged me, doing his best to come up with something reassuring. I... It didn't really help. The words, didn't, anyway. I held onto him for a while, though.
I pulled myself together, barely, and marched myself on over to Gunnar's dad. There's something I'd been meaning to tell him, and this was as good a time as any. I stood up straight, pronounced the words clearly. I'd practiced this, I didn't wanna fuck it up and say something stupid about cheese or squirrels.
"Yfir horn-heillr, koma ikk til ykkarr alfi." At the horn sound, I come to aid you. Just like I'd practiced.
And he slapped me on the shoulder and started laughing. Really loudly. Some of the guests started staring. Including my dad, who glanced at me as he raised an eyebrow. Heimdall kept laughing, and said I was bold enough to be a dude. Well, not in those words exactly. Maybe I shouldn't paraphrase gods, it tends to come out wrong.
He answered me in Old Norse, just as I'd addressed him. "I would think my son married a man for your boldness, daughter. If I were a few millennia younger..." His eyes twinkled a little and I was really glad he stopped that train of thought where he did. I'd probably just embarrass myself when I tried, and failed miserably, to beat the hell out of my godly father in law for sounding like he was about to hit on me. On my wedding day. "Well, let us not speak on that." Then he switched to English. "I'll hold you to that. My horn will call to your ears as well then!" Then he started yelling for more food, music and wine. I'm pretty sure he was using his mortal form to "get his drank on."
So, of course after that loud display my dad comes over. I was still working on that whole um... composure thing. He asked me what that was all about, and I'd been kinda hoping to avoid that conversation. I'm not sure if he saw the exchange with Frigg. I glanced in Gunnar's direction, which I shouldn't have done, because all those visions came flooding back and there went my composure again. Tears started welling up in my eyes. Dammit.
"I promised Heimdall I would help," I said quietly to my dad, still looking at Gunnar.
"Help with what, Laurel? Laurel?"
I turned my face back to my dad, several tears spilling down my cheeks. "The end," I kept my voice quiet, hoping that would keep it steady. It didn't. "I don't want to lose him, Dad."
"What are you talking about?" I realized here that I probably looked a bit like a crazy woman, breaking down like this, even if it was being done with relative subtlety (for me), in the middle of my own wedding reception. "Laurel, listen. Do you remember what I told you when I was Hal?" Just the mention of that name calmed me down. "About dying is what you do when you're done living?" He paused, waiting for it to come back to me.
It did. It was back in 2003, the first night I really talked about what happened to me. I told him - Hal - that my mom was dead and that it still hurt. He told me it always would, to get fucking used to it, cuz that's what people do when they're done living. They die.
I nodded a bit, blinking to clear my vision. He continued, "From what I know about Gunnar he's a man that won't be done living for a very long time. And if he gets lost for some other reason I gotta believe you'll be shining the light to find him. I would have put a stop to this marriage if I thought it was wrong. But that man loves you and I can see it. He isn't going anywhere, peach. I promise."
I took a deep breath, looking steadily now into my dad's eyes. Part of me wanted to chide him, warn him not to make promises he couldn't keep, tell him that I know that not even we - those who get glimpses at the designs of fate - really know what the future holds. But I was grateful for his concern, his faith in us, and most of all for his uncanny ability to simultaneously incite in me a reaction of irritation and relief. I didn't wanna piss my dad off by arguing with him, or sounding like a know-it-all. So I hugged him, tightly. Pulling back, gazing intently at his eyes again, I just said, "He'll go where he has to." I smiled fondly, if not just a little apologetically, "I just hope you understand when I follow." I kissed him on the cheek and set myself back about mingling.
Several things occurred to me as we hugged one another. I saw a lot of pain, and many deaths that had already happened. But I didn't actually see any of my friends die. I saw them suffer, and well... that sucks. Pain sucks, but it's survivable. Personal experience, there.
And it occurred to me that I know Gunnar is tough. He's going to have to be, to keep up with me.
I'll have to get clever to keep them safe. Clever and tenacious. Resourceful. I might have to break a few laws. Most likely physics. Maybe gravity, too.
"Daddy, I'm not gonna tell you that I'm sorry
And there ain't nothin' you can do to change my mind...
...Perhaps this calling is the channel of invention
And I will not blush if others see it as a crime
However dangerous the road, however distant
These things won't compromise the will of the design
Ten thousand demons hammer down at every footstep
Ten thousand angels rush the wind against my back
This church of mine may not be recognized by steeple
But that doesn't mean that I will walk without a god
Rolling river of Truth, can you spare me a sip?
The holy fountain of Youth has been reduced to a drip
But I've got this burning belief
In salvation and love
This notion may be naive
But when push comes to shove
I will till this ground."
Brandon Flowers, Playing with Fire
It was... difficult to watch. Painful, in almost every way it could have been. There was a lot of fire. It reminded me of Afghanistan. I think that unhinged me a little. Death. And things that should have been dead, but weren't. More fire, licking at my skin. I wonder if I would have felt burned, had I not been wearing dad's necklace.
And now, knowing what I know... Well, having seen what I've seen, and suspecting what I suspect, I'm well past the point of no return. I can't lose him like that. I won't lose him like that. Any of them. Nate, Brendan, or... gods, I don't even want to write it down.
I came out of it, hearing myself make a sobbing noise like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. I was crying and Frigg wiped away my tears. She said I could change what I'd seen. She said they were things that only might be. She said that the Aesir strive everyday to prevent such things. And she said, "Now that you are one of us, you had to understand." She said I was one of them.
I told Gunnar everything I saw. I laughed first, gallows humor. Told him he had snakes in his future and then I told him everything. Everything. The cribs, the bodies, the fire, the fights, the grave in Mag Mell and the sick sound of his bones snapping as Gunnar slid down the throat of that massive serpent. So loud.
No.
Gunnar hugged me, doing his best to come up with something reassuring. I... It didn't really help. The words, didn't, anyway. I held onto him for a while, though.
I pulled myself together, barely, and marched myself on over to Gunnar's dad. There's something I'd been meaning to tell him, and this was as good a time as any. I stood up straight, pronounced the words clearly. I'd practiced this, I didn't wanna fuck it up and say something stupid about cheese or squirrels.
"Yfir horn-heillr, koma ikk til ykkarr alfi." At the horn sound, I come to aid you. Just like I'd practiced.
And he slapped me on the shoulder and started laughing. Really loudly. Some of the guests started staring. Including my dad, who glanced at me as he raised an eyebrow. Heimdall kept laughing, and said I was bold enough to be a dude. Well, not in those words exactly. Maybe I shouldn't paraphrase gods, it tends to come out wrong.
He answered me in Old Norse, just as I'd addressed him. "I would think my son married a man for your boldness, daughter. If I were a few millennia younger..." His eyes twinkled a little and I was really glad he stopped that train of thought where he did. I'd probably just embarrass myself when I tried, and failed miserably, to beat the hell out of my godly father in law for sounding like he was about to hit on me. On my wedding day. "Well, let us not speak on that." Then he switched to English. "I'll hold you to that. My horn will call to your ears as well then!" Then he started yelling for more food, music and wine. I'm pretty sure he was using his mortal form to "get his drank on."
So, of course after that loud display my dad comes over. I was still working on that whole um... composure thing. He asked me what that was all about, and I'd been kinda hoping to avoid that conversation. I'm not sure if he saw the exchange with Frigg. I glanced in Gunnar's direction, which I shouldn't have done, because all those visions came flooding back and there went my composure again. Tears started welling up in my eyes. Dammit.
"I promised Heimdall I would help," I said quietly to my dad, still looking at Gunnar.
"Help with what, Laurel? Laurel?"
I turned my face back to my dad, several tears spilling down my cheeks. "The end," I kept my voice quiet, hoping that would keep it steady. It didn't. "I don't want to lose him, Dad."
"What are you talking about?" I realized here that I probably looked a bit like a crazy woman, breaking down like this, even if it was being done with relative subtlety (for me), in the middle of my own wedding reception. "Laurel, listen. Do you remember what I told you when I was Hal?" Just the mention of that name calmed me down. "About dying is what you do when you're done living?" He paused, waiting for it to come back to me.
It did. It was back in 2003, the first night I really talked about what happened to me. I told him - Hal - that my mom was dead and that it still hurt. He told me it always would, to get fucking used to it, cuz that's what people do when they're done living. They die.
I nodded a bit, blinking to clear my vision. He continued, "From what I know about Gunnar he's a man that won't be done living for a very long time. And if he gets lost for some other reason I gotta believe you'll be shining the light to find him. I would have put a stop to this marriage if I thought it was wrong. But that man loves you and I can see it. He isn't going anywhere, peach. I promise."
I took a deep breath, looking steadily now into my dad's eyes. Part of me wanted to chide him, warn him not to make promises he couldn't keep, tell him that I know that not even we - those who get glimpses at the designs of fate - really know what the future holds. But I was grateful for his concern, his faith in us, and most of all for his uncanny ability to simultaneously incite in me a reaction of irritation and relief. I didn't wanna piss my dad off by arguing with him, or sounding like a know-it-all. So I hugged him, tightly. Pulling back, gazing intently at his eyes again, I just said, "He'll go where he has to." I smiled fondly, if not just a little apologetically, "I just hope you understand when I follow." I kissed him on the cheek and set myself back about mingling.
Several things occurred to me as we hugged one another. I saw a lot of pain, and many deaths that had already happened. But I didn't actually see any of my friends die. I saw them suffer, and well... that sucks. Pain sucks, but it's survivable. Personal experience, there.
And it occurred to me that I know Gunnar is tough. He's going to have to be, to keep up with me.
I'll have to get clever to keep them safe. Clever and tenacious. Resourceful. I might have to break a few laws. Most likely physics. Maybe gravity, too.
"Daddy, I'm not gonna tell you that I'm sorry
And there ain't nothin' you can do to change my mind...
...Perhaps this calling is the channel of invention
And I will not blush if others see it as a crime
However dangerous the road, however distant
These things won't compromise the will of the design
Ten thousand demons hammer down at every footstep
Ten thousand angels rush the wind against my back
This church of mine may not be recognized by steeple
But that doesn't mean that I will walk without a god
Rolling river of Truth, can you spare me a sip?
The holy fountain of Youth has been reduced to a drip
But I've got this burning belief
In salvation and love
This notion may be naive
But when push comes to shove
I will till this ground."
Brandon Flowers, Playing with Fire
Friday, June 10, 2011
Have a Drink on Me
"Whiskey, gin and brandy
With a glass I'm pretty handy..."
AC/DC, Have a Drink on Me
Well, that kerfuffle with the rites and the old ways is over. Yesterday was the day I pissed off Aphrodite. This morning my plane landed in Chicago. Tomorrow is W-Day.
So what is today?
Today is a day to party, and hard.
I have a plan. I think it's a good plan.
Ok, it was a fantastic plan.
It occurred to me that after tomorrow a lot of things are going to change. It's kind of a tradeoff, I guess. I mean, I get Gunnar but I also get a lot more responsibility. He's worth it.
Anyway, I decided that today should be less about saying goodbye to a single life and more about saying goodbye to a mortal life. I wanted to do all the stuff I love to do when I have spare time. I'm not really counting of having much of that, not anymore.
I started the day about seven in the morning, literally bouncing off the buildings of downtown Chicago. I won't lie, I've got some seriously sexy moves when it comes to free running. I invited Susan to come with and we both had a crazy great time scaring the hell out of our fellow pedestrians.
We did that until about noon, after which we joined Alison at some spa place. She seemed really excited about her pedicure idea and I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd never cared enough to get my nails done before. That killed a few hours and it was kinda nice, if not a little weird, to have some stranger rubbing heated rocks on my legs. Alli said they were too hot, though they didn't really bother me.
From there we parted ways with Alli, I figured she wasn't going to be up for what I had planned the rest of the night and even if she wasn't, Nate would have a fit if I gave her back with a black eye. Susan and I went back to the hotel room I'd set her up with and got dressed to go out. Not like clubbing "out," but concert going "out." There's less makeup and more muscle involved in the second. I was headed out with a goal in mind, I wanted to find someplace crowded with loud (good) music. Heavy bass, wicked guitar work and the potential to throw an elbow or two. It didn't take long to scout out a skeezy basement show. The band wasn't great by any interpretation of the word and they changed their name 8 times between 7 songs. First they were something like "Tyrannosaur in Trouble," but I think by the end they were "Jack's Raging Bile Duct." They were loud though, and their songs were fast. I pretty much just needed a wink and a bodycheck to get a mosh pit going. I was satisfied.
I had one last item on my checklist to accomplish: Drink. A lot.
I sent Susan back up to her room for that one. Yes, she fought mecha-wolves, yes she's been the den mother for a house full of kids for the past couple of months and no she is still not 21 yet.
I did invite Ciara for this part, and Camila but I was kinda glad when only Ciara accepted. I had no clue how well she'd hold her drink, but I figured she could tell herself when to stop. I wasn't here to get her drunk anyway, I wasn't even here to get me drunk. Mostly I just wanted to enjoy the experience of drinking a guy under the table again - especially considering that with the way Gunnar drinks it's not something I'm likely to manage for a very long while.
I changed my voicemail message before we went in, just in case I lost. Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Laurel Kladakos. I'd answer your call but I'm probably busy getting ready for my wedding.
I sat down with Ciara and decided that the victim was going to be the first guy who hit on me.
It took all of ten minutes for a guy to approach Ciara and I. We were sitting at a table, the kind with one of those green glass lamps that hangs too low and gets in the way of any attempt at conversation. Ciara's eyes fixed on something over my shoulder; she grinned a little. I think out of pity.
"Did it hurt?" I heard behind me.
I turned, resting an arm on the back of my chair. I raised an eyebrow and suppressed my own grin. "Beg pardon?"
"Did it hurt," he repeated, "when you fell from Heaven?" The guy smiled gently. He moved as if to put a hand on my arm, which I withdrew. I'm getting better, kinda, but I still don't like people touching me.
I wonder if he heard my eyes rolling. "Actually I fell from a bridge in Ireland, but yes. It hurt like Hell." I figured he probably wouldn't know what Mag Mel was and left that out.
He looked confused, opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Kinda like a fish. "Uh... Look, I... just wanted to talk to you."
"Mission accomplished?" I smirked. I hoped he wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Well, um, no. I... Ok, yes but I wanted to talk to you for more than a minute. I... can I do that? Do you mind?" He stuttered. I've missed being able to do that to people, instead of being the one stuttering all the time.
I smiled, pushing back an empty chair with my foot. I jutted my chin at it. "Nah. So what would you like to talk about?"
"Your phone number, specifically," the guy grinned. He took the seat I offered him, taking a longer look than I'd have liked at my legs.
I peered at him for a long second, and I imagine my smile was a little villainish. "Tell you what," I leaned forward, folding my arms under my chest as I did so. Distracting him. That wasn't fair of me, I know. Neither was challenging a mortal to a drinking contest. I wasn't trying to play fair tonight. "If you can outdrink me, I'll happily give it to you." I already had a shot in front of me, though I hadn't touched it yet.
"Yes." His attention took a long minute to move back to my eyes. "I mean... what? Yes. You're drinking... what? Uh, I" he shifted nervously as I moved to rest my chin on my palm. I batted my eyes at him, just 'cuz I've missed doing that too.
"I'm drinking whiskey, and you will be too," I laughed.
Ten shots later he was on the floor. Ciara was still drinking, but I slowed down, happy with the buzz. A hangover would not look good on me tomorrow.
Just after he hit the ground I got a picture message from Gunnar. There was... a very scantily clad... yeah, it was a stripper. There was a stripper, all over Jack. And he was pretty clearly enjoying it. "This is how Jack almost died," the text attached to the image said.
Another message followed it quickly. The woman was running for a door, wearing less than she had been. She looked a little scared. "And this is how he lived."
"LOL Looks like you're having a good time?" I texted back. I took a picture of the lightweight on the floor, making sure to get the table with the all the shotglasses in the picture. "This is what I've been up to :) "
I left some money with the bartender, paying for floor-guy's drinks, and leaving him money for a cab and some aspirin.
Guess I can change my voicemail back.
With a glass I'm pretty handy..."
AC/DC, Have a Drink on Me
Well, that kerfuffle with the rites and the old ways is over. Yesterday was the day I pissed off Aphrodite. This morning my plane landed in Chicago. Tomorrow is W-Day.
So what is today?
Today is a day to party, and hard.
I have a plan. I think it's a good plan.
Ok, it was a fantastic plan.
It occurred to me that after tomorrow a lot of things are going to change. It's kind of a tradeoff, I guess. I mean, I get Gunnar but I also get a lot more responsibility. He's worth it.
Anyway, I decided that today should be less about saying goodbye to a single life and more about saying goodbye to a mortal life. I wanted to do all the stuff I love to do when I have spare time. I'm not really counting of having much of that, not anymore.
I started the day about seven in the morning, literally bouncing off the buildings of downtown Chicago. I won't lie, I've got some seriously sexy moves when it comes to free running. I invited Susan to come with and we both had a crazy great time scaring the hell out of our fellow pedestrians.
We did that until about noon, after which we joined Alison at some spa place. She seemed really excited about her pedicure idea and I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd never cared enough to get my nails done before. That killed a few hours and it was kinda nice, if not a little weird, to have some stranger rubbing heated rocks on my legs. Alli said they were too hot, though they didn't really bother me.
From there we parted ways with Alli, I figured she wasn't going to be up for what I had planned the rest of the night and even if she wasn't, Nate would have a fit if I gave her back with a black eye. Susan and I went back to the hotel room I'd set her up with and got dressed to go out. Not like clubbing "out," but concert going "out." There's less makeup and more muscle involved in the second. I was headed out with a goal in mind, I wanted to find someplace crowded with loud (good) music. Heavy bass, wicked guitar work and the potential to throw an elbow or two. It didn't take long to scout out a skeezy basement show. The band wasn't great by any interpretation of the word and they changed their name 8 times between 7 songs. First they were something like "Tyrannosaur in Trouble," but I think by the end they were "Jack's Raging Bile Duct." They were loud though, and their songs were fast. I pretty much just needed a wink and a bodycheck to get a mosh pit going. I was satisfied.
I had one last item on my checklist to accomplish: Drink. A lot.
I sent Susan back up to her room for that one. Yes, she fought mecha-wolves, yes she's been the den mother for a house full of kids for the past couple of months and no she is still not 21 yet.
I did invite Ciara for this part, and Camila but I was kinda glad when only Ciara accepted. I had no clue how well she'd hold her drink, but I figured she could tell herself when to stop. I wasn't here to get her drunk anyway, I wasn't even here to get me drunk. Mostly I just wanted to enjoy the experience of drinking a guy under the table again - especially considering that with the way Gunnar drinks it's not something I'm likely to manage for a very long while.
I changed my voicemail message before we went in, just in case I lost. Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Laurel Kladakos. I'd answer your call but I'm probably busy getting ready for my wedding.
I sat down with Ciara and decided that the victim was going to be the first guy who hit on me.
It took all of ten minutes for a guy to approach Ciara and I. We were sitting at a table, the kind with one of those green glass lamps that hangs too low and gets in the way of any attempt at conversation. Ciara's eyes fixed on something over my shoulder; she grinned a little. I think out of pity.
"Did it hurt?" I heard behind me.
I turned, resting an arm on the back of my chair. I raised an eyebrow and suppressed my own grin. "Beg pardon?"
"Did it hurt," he repeated, "when you fell from Heaven?" The guy smiled gently. He moved as if to put a hand on my arm, which I withdrew. I'm getting better, kinda, but I still don't like people touching me.
I wonder if he heard my eyes rolling. "Actually I fell from a bridge in Ireland, but yes. It hurt like Hell." I figured he probably wouldn't know what Mag Mel was and left that out.
He looked confused, opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Kinda like a fish. "Uh... Look, I... just wanted to talk to you."
"Mission accomplished?" I smirked. I hoped he wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Well, um, no. I... Ok, yes but I wanted to talk to you for more than a minute. I... can I do that? Do you mind?" He stuttered. I've missed being able to do that to people, instead of being the one stuttering all the time.
I smiled, pushing back an empty chair with my foot. I jutted my chin at it. "Nah. So what would you like to talk about?"
"Your phone number, specifically," the guy grinned. He took the seat I offered him, taking a longer look than I'd have liked at my legs.
I peered at him for a long second, and I imagine my smile was a little villainish. "Tell you what," I leaned forward, folding my arms under my chest as I did so. Distracting him. That wasn't fair of me, I know. Neither was challenging a mortal to a drinking contest. I wasn't trying to play fair tonight. "If you can outdrink me, I'll happily give it to you." I already had a shot in front of me, though I hadn't touched it yet.
"Yes." His attention took a long minute to move back to my eyes. "I mean... what? Yes. You're drinking... what? Uh, I" he shifted nervously as I moved to rest my chin on my palm. I batted my eyes at him, just 'cuz I've missed doing that too.
"I'm drinking whiskey, and you will be too," I laughed.
Ten shots later he was on the floor. Ciara was still drinking, but I slowed down, happy with the buzz. A hangover would not look good on me tomorrow.
Just after he hit the ground I got a picture message from Gunnar. There was... a very scantily clad... yeah, it was a stripper. There was a stripper, all over Jack. And he was pretty clearly enjoying it. "This is how Jack almost died," the text attached to the image said.
Another message followed it quickly. The woman was running for a door, wearing less than she had been. She looked a little scared. "And this is how he lived."
"LOL Looks like you're having a good time?" I texted back. I took a picture of the lightweight on the floor, making sure to get the table with the all the shotglasses in the picture. "This is what I've been up to :) "
I left some money with the bartender, paying for floor-guy's drinks, and leaving him money for a cab and some aspirin.
Guess I can change my voicemail back.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Ironic
Dear Diary:
Today, I pissed off Aphrodite.
I'm sure that's never going to come back to haunt me.
Well, I guess the story could bear a little more telling than that.
Three days ago Dad showed up and started our heart to heart with, "We have a problem." Words every bride-to-be from her father at T-minus four days. They just get better when they're coming from a god.
The problem was that there were going to be more guests than I'd anticipated, but he wouldn't tell me who. And the problem was that Hera wanted to perform the ceremony, being the goddess of marriage and having her uh... granddaughter as the bride. It would mean that the ceremony wouldn't be Catholic like Gunnar wanted for his mom, but Hercules and Dad were both really, really relieved when I said "Whatever."
And the final problem was that I needed to do those bullshit rites before I could go get married. I've been under house arrest, which has been irritating at best. Two days ago I set fire to a pretty big piece of my heart. Yesterday I cut off and burned most of my hair. I don't know what the point of that was, still, other than costing me money for cancelling my hair appointment with such short notice and making my backyard smell and the neighbors think I'm crazy.
And today I pissed off Aphrodite.
How would an innocent, unassuming and sweet creature like myself accomplish such a thing?
By not being a virgin.
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face...
And isn't it ironic, don't you think?
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think..."
Alanis Morissette, Ironic
Today, I pissed off Aphrodite.
I'm sure that's never going to come back to haunt me.
Well, I guess the story could bear a little more telling than that.
Three days ago Dad showed up and started our heart to heart with, "We have a problem." Words every bride-to-be from her father at T-minus four days. They just get better when they're coming from a god.
The problem was that there were going to be more guests than I'd anticipated, but he wouldn't tell me who. And the problem was that Hera wanted to perform the ceremony, being the goddess of marriage and having her uh... granddaughter as the bride. It would mean that the ceremony wouldn't be Catholic like Gunnar wanted for his mom, but Hercules and Dad were both really, really relieved when I said "Whatever."
And the final problem was that I needed to do those bullshit rites before I could go get married. I've been under house arrest, which has been irritating at best. Two days ago I set fire to a pretty big piece of my heart. Yesterday I cut off and burned most of my hair. I don't know what the point of that was, still, other than costing me money for cancelling my hair appointment with such short notice and making my backyard smell and the neighbors think I'm crazy.
And today I pissed off Aphrodite.
How would an innocent, unassuming and sweet creature like myself accomplish such a thing?
By not being a virgin.
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face...
And isn't it ironic, don't you think?
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think..."
Alanis Morissette, Ironic
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
For Every Tear a Lesson Learned
I've decided what to burn. Dad said I needed to pick some things that would signify to Grandfather and... Grandmother (Hercules said not to refer to her as step-anything. Ever.) that I was no longer a child.
It's time to let go of Mom, and all the stuff I've been keeping of hers. I've felt for a while that maybe my attachment to her, and feeling like I failed her somehow, has been holding me back.
So I decided to burn her Christmas ornaments as an offering, the big glass ones I put up each year. It was a way to hold on to her, so that I could still hear her voice telling me to be careful or I'd lose a foot.
And I burnt her paintings, her portraits of us and her landscapes of the place where she grew up in Greece, and the place near the ruins of Delphi where she met Dad and the only picture I had of her parents. Her work. I took the last things she'd made with her hands, and I burnt them to ash.
"I can't run to you no more
to catch me when I'm fallin'
I know I have to let you go
But I will not be broken
For every tear, a lesson learned
Every good time, golden
But now it's time to let you go
And I will not be broken
And I will not be broken
No I will not be broken
But keep the slowly fading memories..."
Eve 6, Girlfriend
It's time to let go of Mom, and all the stuff I've been keeping of hers. I've felt for a while that maybe my attachment to her, and feeling like I failed her somehow, has been holding me back.
So I decided to burn her Christmas ornaments as an offering, the big glass ones I put up each year. It was a way to hold on to her, so that I could still hear her voice telling me to be careful or I'd lose a foot.
And I burnt her paintings, her portraits of us and her landscapes of the place where she grew up in Greece, and the place near the ruins of Delphi where she met Dad and the only picture I had of her parents. Her work. I took the last things she'd made with her hands, and I burnt them to ash.
"I can't run to you no more
to catch me when I'm fallin'
I know I have to let you go
But I will not be broken
For every tear, a lesson learned
Every good time, golden
But now it's time to let you go
And I will not be broken
And I will not be broken
No I will not be broken
But keep the slowly fading memories..."
Eve 6, Girlfriend
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