Coming Back to Life

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life...

Father, I can't be like you. I want desperately to make you proud but I can't follow in your footsteps. From what I can tell, they lead to tragedy and loneliness, and this is not the life I want. I hear the whispers of bickering between you and your siblings, your father and your stepmother. You might very well care about them but I don't think you love them. Or maybe you do, but your duties and responsibilities are just so important that you can't really afford to love anyone. Just contemplating that sort of existence breaks my heart, Dad.
You've lived so very long, and your legacy is a trail of broken hearts, dead children, and flora that used to love you, once. A long and winding road, bordered with tombstones. Hyacinth, Cyparissus, Acantha, Daphne. I know you loved them, but Dad ... I am terrified of being just like you. I don't want the responsibilities that I take on to compromise, or even eradicate my ability to care for people. If I keep trying to live up to your name, to be just like you and follow in your wake, I'm going to get myself killed. Or worse, I'll get someone else killed, someone I'm only trying to protect. Someone I want only to love.
Your life looks really lonely, Dad. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I've been lonely since Mom died, and I can't stand the thought of a life as long as yours without anything to occupy my time besides the war against the Titans. But Dad... I hope you understand. I have a chance to change now. Gunnar, Brendan, Nate - even the laconic Jack - they're offering me a chance and a good reason to change. Through them and because of them I have a chance to be better, less vengeful. I shot that woman because it was what you would have done. You've killed people for less. When she used Nate's body against him, she committed an affront to every principle for which I stand. So I committed the same sin on a larger scale, in order to punish her. I justified it by saying I did it for someone else. Trying to be Daddy's little girl has only afforded me the luxury of being a hypocrite. I was so furious at her threat to a life that I took a life and that's not right, Dad. I don't want to be angry and so vengeful. I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder, waiting for the people I've pissed off to catch up with me. Or with my friends. That's not something I used to think about, Dad. But I hope that whatever does happen, happens just to me. I am the person who pulled that trigger and I am the one who deserves the fallout. I'm not sorry, but I'm scared, Dad. I'm absolutely terrified of what will happen when that Scion's parent comes after me. I was really stupid that night, Dad. Really fucking stupid. I shot... I killed a woman, and I'm really goddamned lucky that the ground opened up and swallowed her body, and that my gun doesn't leave behind casings. Thanks, by the way.
I could have really fucked things up for Gunnar and Nate, if they'd gotten connected to a murderer. And more than that, I know that Nate feels obligated to protect me since I killed her on his behalf. Brendan doesn't think I did anything wrong, Jack will probably just revel at the chance to hit something new. And Gunnar... he pretty much said that whatever wants to get to me has to go through him.
Oh, and Dad? Speaking of Gunnar, um... I almost married him about a week ago. Long story, kinda, but we're dating now. He makes me feel happy, and safe... Uh, so that's life. We're planning, as a group, a strike against a re-education facility that we think has been responsible for the abductions of other Scions. They might have Horace. They definitely have Susan and at least ten other kids. Maybe more. The abductions, according to someone we talked to, are global. Dad... they killed Bridgitte. I don't know how to tell Samedi.
And Dad, if you can tell Uncle Hermes something, Angela's ok. She's in jail for arson but we talked to her and she's alright, for now. Um, yeah. I should go get some rest for tomorrow. Thanks for listening, and I hope you understand about the "my own path" thing.
Night, Dad.