I guess it's started. I don't feel right. My head's all fuzzy. I don't really feel like doing anything besides staying with the kids. Homework, bedtime, track meets and school plays. That's what I want right now. That's all I want. Time with the kids, and Gunnar.
This cross-country bullshit feels like it can wait, even if it's being done in a ploy to save my own ass and keep my promises.
And I've been waking up screaming. The first time I was sleeping in the car, had to ask Gunnar to stop while I got sick. It hasn't stopped, either. Every time I sleep. The same nightmare, over and over.
But it's not all bad. Gunnar's been there when I wake up, and gives me a pretty good reason to keep trying to smile.
It just takes me some time to stop wailing and sobbing, until whatever's fucking with my head quiets down.
"Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right my side
So tear me open, pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me, until it sleeps..."
Metallica, Until It Sleeps
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